


Paper Heart

by thesockmonster



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: F/F, Genderbending, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-05-17 13:07:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 36,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5870833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesockmonster/pseuds/thesockmonster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The last thing Jongin expects is to find out she's pregnant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Paper Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for the following - excessive crying, park chanyeol's legs in skinny jeans, naughty baked goods

Jongin is a creature of habit.

She wakes up every morning, giving herself several minutes of peaceful quiet before rolling out of her warm bed and padding to the bathroom. On weekends she lingers - allowing the tranquility of no responsibilities to lull her into a trance. But today is Monday and even if she loves her job, getting her butt in gear is sometimes a hassle.

Routine helps.

It’s routine that keeps her body occupied as she slowly awakens. Jongin can get herself dressed, teeth brushed and hair untangled - all while the aroma of coffee is floating through her apartment, tantalizing her senses until the moment she’s able to take her first sip. Coffee was somewhat of an acquired taste for Jongin, a necessary evil when she was in college. But now she enjoys the bitter aftertaste and the warmth it spreads through her limbs. The caffeine doesn’t hurt.

She never has the time to finish an entire mug of coffee, but she always tries - only conceding when the clock ticks ever closer to nine. The pink piggy mug gets set in the sink alongside the princess one she’d used the morning before. On a usual Monday, she’d have three mugs accumulated by the time she rushed out the door, but there are only two today. She pauses, a smile passing over her lips before she remembers herself. Cursing at the time, she makes a grab for her purse and her phone before finally slipping on her shoes.

The door clicks shut behind her and Jongin is off to work, mostly prepared for the day. The sidewalks aren’t as packed at this time; most people have to be in by eight and Jongin is thankful that she doesn’t have to deal with the bustling crowds so early. It also means there are shorter lines in her favorite coffee shop on the corner. She spares enough time to buy the special brew for the day - which is as adventurous as she usually gets - before walking the next few blocks to the office.

Jongin stops in front of a small space nestled comfortably between a hairdresser and a traffic lawyer, admiring the dark and light purple striped awning and the logo printed on the window - _Happiness Delight Advertising Firm_. Beside it, there’s a doodle done in glass markers that she made during a slow afternoon the week before. Someone’s seen fit to add multi-colored hats to the dancing acorns Jongin had drawn and she smiles. She’d been tempted to do something new for the week, but she likes it.

A bell tinkles when she opens the door with her hip, slipping inside the already occupied office. Jongin is never the first one there; that role is filled by Yixing who is now flitting from behind the main counter and toward the back, her shoes already abandoned and her tablet pen behind her ear. Jongin would call Yixing a workaholic simply because of how long she stays in the office, but Jongin knows better. Yixing is dedicated, but she has an entire life outside these walls.

“Morning,” Yixing chirps when she reappears, a bright yellow sundress lighting up the room and an equally eye catching ribbon holding her hair up in a high ponytail. Her arms are full of papers and she teeters forward before catching herself and Jongin lets out the breath she’d been holding.

“How was your weekend?” Jongin inquires, circling the long counter in the front to get to her small desk that lays behind it. Jongin scoots her purse underneath and takes another swallow of her coffee before putting it down.

“Amazing!” Yixing calls from where she’d disappeared into the back again. Jongin pokes her head around, taking in Yixing’s slight form which was bent over, digging through the old file boxes. Everything is backed up on the server electronically, but Yixing is adamant that every little piece of paper, every drawn out concept and all the drafts until final design are kept. _Just in case_. “And yours?”

Jongin is smiling again, a bubble in her stomach as she remembers being dragged out of her usual Friday night activities - lounging on her best friend’s couch while gorging on chicken and beer - and getting dragged to a bar. It was entirely not her scene, but she’d let the atmosphere seep into her skin and pull her along until she was falling into bed with a man she’d just met. And she abso-frikkin-lutely does not regret a thing.

“Great,” Jongin finally answers when she realizes Yixing has abandoned her quest in favor of staring at her in question.

“Does _Great_ have a name?” Yixing inquires, clearly amused. Yixing had been there, of course, had been the one to pout at Jongin until she relented and allowed Yixing to dress her in the tightest pair of jeans she’d ever worn and slapped a low-cut top on after - her hands cupping Jongin’s breasts to push them up and show what she was working with.

“I’m sure he does,” Jongin chuckles. The man in question had made it clear up-front that he was only in town for the weekend and that had suited Jongin just fine. He was no less attractive and she was no less inclined to take on something temporary that wouldn’t hinder the life she already had laid out.

Habit and routine.

“Usually _Great_ is worth getting a name from. Possibly a phone number for recurring _greats_ ,” Yixing teases.

Jongin shrugs, “No need to spoil the memory.” She’d woken up in a hotel, wrapped up in more expensive sheets than she owned, aching in places she hadn’t remembered could ache and feeling pleasantly content. It was out of character - something she’d never done before, but Jongin felt so _relieved_. So much tension released from finally getting laid after such a long dry spell.

With habit and routine comes a fear of dating. Jongin doesn’t want someone coming into her life and throwing everything she has - all her comforting patterns - into chaos. So he had been just the right tangle in the thread and now she can keep to her life without any fear of it being ruined. Yixing knows of Jongin’s aversion to dating and doesn’t understand, but she tries. And the placating pat on the head she gives Jongin is enough. The subject is dropped.

Yixing goes back to her searching and Jongin slips off to her desk, pulling out several drafts she’s working on. _Happiness Delight Advertising Firm_ is a small shop that offers personalized designs and logos for flyers, notepads, stationery, business cards, and other assorted merchandise geared toward advertising for the smaller businesses in the area. Jongin is the one who creates the logos and other art for the client, usually from their specifications. Luckily, she doesn’t have to polish them because it’s Yixing’s job to take Jongin’s concepts and render them on a computer, designing several drafts for the client to choose from.

The final piece to their well-oiled machine is Chanyeol. He’s the one who had come up with the idea for the business when they were all still in college. And it’s through his persistence and dedication and remarkable people skills that they were able to actualize it. It’s also Chanyeol who goes out and draws clients in - wheeling and dealing with all the gritty business details that give Jongin a headache.

Between the three of them, they’ve built a steady client base that’s expanding slowly enough for them to keep up, without having to worry about hiring anyone else. It’s a relaxed atmosphere and Jongin thrives in it.

Chanyeol shows up a few minutes after Jongin’s settled in, smelling like he brought half a donut shop with him. Her suspicions are confirmed when he sets a familiar white and orange box down on her desk. Jongin eyes it warily before flicking her gaze up at Chanyeol. “What did you do?”

Chanyeol’s face scrunches, one eye nearly closing and his mouth twisting. It’s wholly unattractive and Jongin is unaffected even if he looks like a kicked puppy. “I may have suggested - in a drunken stupor - that tiny little stuffed bears with the Toymaker logo would be good for business and now we need a design.”

Jongin blinks at him, scowling, “We just finished their flyers last week.”

“And now we’re doing teddy bears!” he exclaims, far too brightly, radiating false bravado. “I already found a place to make the bears for us. We just need the design.”

When Jongin sighs, Chanyeol knows he’s won. And it’s not as if it’s much work. It was just unexpected on top of the other things she’s working on for the week. “I need to know what they-” Chanyeol slaps a napkin on Jongin’s desk and she stares at the hastily written, barely discernible chicken scratch. “Want,” she finishes weakly, picking up the napkin.

“Hey Yixing!” Chanyeol bellows, walking off to find the other woman. “I’ve got donuts!” he announces.

Yixing’s head pops out from the back a second later, “What did you do?”

 

It’s a little after six when Jongin gets home. She toes off her shoes, fishes her phone out of her purse and flops down on her couch, legs over the arm with her eyes closed. She ends up pulling the two pens out of her hair that had been holding it up. Her hair falls in her face often enough now for her to get frustrated by early afternoon and pin it back, usually using office supplies to keep it together. She has a stash of pens by the door that she always forgets to take back to work despite her best intentions. (There’s an unopened package of hair ties at the office, left neglected in her office drawer, that Chanyeol had bought her once. He’s probably docking her pay for office supplies at this point.)

As far as Mondays go, this one had been pretty tame. Even with Chanyeol adding another thing to her to-do list, Jongin hadn’t been rushed, hadn’t had to move from her desk, except to stretch. She spent most of the afternoon draped over the front counter, scribbling down notes and making quick sketches for a new project as Chanyeol intercepted anyone who walked in the door before they could disturb her. When Jongin gets into the right mindset, she’s oblivious to everything else.

By the end of the day, she had a few workable poses for Yixing to play with and a handful of teddy bear designs for Chanyeol to run by the toy store owners. All in all, her hand is a little tired, but she’s otherwise fine. Pleasantly so, even.

This also means she gets the rest of her evening to herself, which means she can strip out of her jeans and dance around in her shirt and underwear while experimental cooking. Not a bad day at all.

 

The end of the week is welcome if only because there’s only so much _Chanyeol_ Jongin can take when all he does is add more work to her pile with a guilty smile and freshly baked offerings. She’s going to gain so much weight from this and Jongin, well, she’s too lazy for exercise. It would cut into her sleeping time and that’s unacceptable.

Having had a busier than normal week, however tiring it was, only makes Jongin look forward to her weekly ritual at Kyungsoo’s place even more. Her best friend in the entire universe - and all alternate dimensions as he’d once proclaimed - is currently slaving over a hot stove. He places battered chicken carefully into a frying pan as Jongin watches, a beer in hand and her mouth watering.

Jongin can’t imagine her life without this, without Kyungsoo at her side. Platonically, of course. They’ve known each other since they were kids. A seven year old Jongin had fallen off the monkey bars in the park and Kyungsoo had been the kid who had crouched down, pointing and laughing at her until he cried from mirth. She’d full on tackled him into the dirt and given him a bloody nose. Their parents had forced them to get together for apologies and all animosity melted when Kyungsoo spied the obnoxiously pink play kitchen Jongin had in her room and had squealed in delight, racing toward it.

They’ve been inseparable since. When Jongin had run away from home at twelve years old, a bag slung over her shoulder and tears tracking down her cheeks, it was Kyungsoo she ran to. And when she’d run away the second time, packing up everything she owned for college with plans to never return, it was Kyungsoo who ran with her. He’s always been there, a steady presence providing her rock solid support - even when she’s in over her head.

She loves him dearly. Especially when there’s freshly made fried chicken.

The chicken is steaming, too hot for eating, but Jongin bites into it anyway, moaning aloud and chasing it with a swig of beer as Kyungsoo rolls his eyes at her. “It’s a miracle you still have taste buds,” he mutters fondly.

“It’s a miracle no one’s married you for your chicken,” Jongin says, mouth still full. “ _I_ might even marry you for your chicken. What do you say? We hit 30 and elope. It’ll be fun.”

Kyungsoo’s lip curls, disdain written all over his face as Jongin scuttles out of the kitchen. Plate of chicken in hand, she plops on his couch.

“Feet off the table,” he hisses when he walks past, knocking his knees against Jongin’s legs until she withdraws. By the time he sits, her feet are back up and she’s slouched comfortably into the sofa. Instead of fighting it, Kyungsoo forces two coasters under her heels and starts in on his own food.

Jongin doesn’t think there’s a better way to unwind at the end of a week. They eat in relative silence, pausing to giggle when Kyungsoo burps loud enough to echo. Jongin takes several gulps of beer to try and one up him, but after a few failed attempts, Kyungsoo is red in the face from laughing and Jongin is starting to get heartburn.

“Not funny,” Jongin groans, throwing one of Kyungsoo’s precious pillows - the matching gray ones that go with his black couch - at his face. He scrambles to catch it before it lands in the plate of chicken bones.

“Ruin my pillows and I will end you,” Kyungsoo threatens with all the venom of a kitten. Jongin crawls over the couch and drops on top of him, arms around his waist and head on his chest.

“But you love me more than your pillows,” she reminds him, letting out another soft burp.

“Usually,” he responds, but he still wraps around her, snuggling on the couch until Jongin eventually falls asleep. Friday nights are her favorite.

 

_Happiness Delight Advertising Firm_ has been around for three years, and they’d had a rocky start. But the first few customers Chanyeol had managed to hook, with Yixing and Jongin reeling them in for the catch, are the reason their doors are still open. And Jongin is proud to say that all of them are still clients due to their superb service, impeccable quality and their laid-back atmosphere. Chanyeol quite frequently goes out for drinks with clients, expanding his friend and business base all in one go. Jongin admires his tenacity and the business it brings.

Jongin is sitting on the front counter, the heels of her feet hitting against the wood and her sandals sliding forward every few seconds as she swings her legs. There’s a pen twisted in her hair, one clipped to the bracelets on her left wrist and her tongue peeks through her lips as she makes the final touches to a mascot for a local youth sports team. They’re not charging the organizers, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t going to do her best, and she’s pleased at the lopsided hats she’s given the animated checkered balls. Besides, they get their own sponsorship sign out on the field and that should draw in business.

The bell over the door rings and Jongin doesn’t realize someone’s come in until there’s a finger poking her knee, a peach-colored manicured nail contrasting dramatically with the dark denim of her jeans. She jolts, nearly dropping her sketches, but Luhan is there, grabbing her wrists and keeping everything in place.

“Sorry,” Luhan apologizes, but it isn’t sincere. The tilt of her head, straight blond hair fanning down her side, and the slight quirk of her glossy pink lips gives her away.

Jongin’s heart plummets to her stomach and she has to intentionally not pull herself out of Luhan’s hold. “I didn’t hear you come in,” Jongin breathes. If she had, perhaps Jongin could have prepared herself. Although . . . she’s hardly ever prepared for when Luhan traipses into the office, turning her world upside-down.

Luhan is bubbly, bright, a constant light. Jongin was drawn to her the moment they met, but so was everyone else. She’s one of those people who stand out, too gorgeous to stare at directly without fear of going blind. And Jongin’s always had this visceral attraction to her that has her walls going up, defenses on high alert.

“Is Yixing in?” Luhan asks, peering around the office for any signs of the other woman. Her fingers are still around Jongin’s wrists and she doesn’t appear to have any interest in releasing Jongin.

“I think she’s in the back,” Jongin answers, trying not to sound like she’s struggling to breathe.

Things didn’t used to be this hard. Back when Luhan had come in for a consultation, she and Jongin had struck up a friendship. Jongin had figured that’s all it would ever be and that was alright. Even when they spent evenings out with a group of people, gravitating toward one another, Jongin was content because it was a small enough change that she could adjust.

But then Luhan asked her out. Jongin had said yes before her brain could register all the Consequences of not only mixing business with pleasure, but also how it would change her routine. Still, Jongin hadn’t wanted to pull away and she’d let herself be swept along by Hurricane Luhan until reality kicked in.

Jongin remembers the exact moment she panicked. It was karaoke night at a downtown bar and Luhan had been on stage, belting her lungs out to _Your Song_ from the Moulin Rouge soundtrack with this glassy, lovestruck look on her face. It had been too much, too fast. The next day, Jongin had explained to Luhan that she didn’t want to jeopardize their business relationship - a bald faced lie - and Luhan had been disappointed, but hadn’t pushed it.

They’re still friends even if there’s a gap between them that only Jongin could fill - but she’s still too afraid. Luhan and the others still go out - Yixing and Chanyeol and Luhan’s friend slash business partner Tao. They’re all together in a cluster of laughter and bravado, and Jongin never feels quite like part of the group. She misses it, misses how close they had been, how Luhan never used to shy from leaning into Jongin’s personal space to whisper in her ear. She misses how Luhan used to fix her hair, daring to brush lips over the rise of her cheek when she backed away. She misses a lot of things and her heart aches.

That was two years ago and Jongin _still_ gets flustered at the sight of Luhan, her stomach roiling and tongue too heavy in her mouth. It wouldn’t be nearly as bad if Luhan kept her distance, but she doesn’t. Jongin doesn’t think Luhan has the ability to keep away. It’s just who she is and their friendship persists mostly because of Luhan’s efforts. And Jongin is thankful for that but it also keeps her very infatuated. It’s tiring.

“Hey,” Yixing greets when she walks out, running fingers through her hair before pulling the ash blonde strands into a ponytail. “I fixed the design for the business cards, but tell Tao I’m going to start taking it out on his hide if he doesn’t stop being so damn picky.”

Luhan sighs, finally moving from where she’s been perched between Jongin’s legs. “ _You_ try telling that to a fashion designer,” she grumbles. “ _Everything must be perfect_ ,” she trills and Yixing laughs, holding out an arm to usher Luhan into the back to see the proofs before they run to print.

Jongin scrambles back to her desk as soon as they disappear, hunching down in her chair. Her concentration is thoroughly ruined. With a groan, she lets her head fall onto her desk.

She doesn’t get back into her groove for the rest of the work day, finally scuffling out of the office when Chanyeol slaps her on the behind with a manila folder, telling her that the thundercloud over her head is going to scare away anyone who wanders by. Jongin stands outside, purse on her shoulder and a satchel full of sketches and pencils in hand, pondering for only a few seconds before turning left instead of right. She doesn’t quite feel up to going home.

_The Naked Baker_ sits on the corner of a busy intersection, drawing attention not only because of the name, but the accompanying silhouette of a man wearing naught but a tray perched in his hand nestled between _Naked_ and _Baker_. Jongin herself had designed the logo and she’s rather proud of it.

A peek in the window reveals rows of delectable sweets and an assortment of breads and rolls. Cupcakes line the sides and Jongin’s eyes linger on the miniature key lime pies under the daily special sign, her mouth watering. Kyungsoo always bakes the best treats.

He’s behind the counter when she walks in, a cream and green striped apron over his usual white button-up and black slacks. It’s the perfect time because the lunch crowds are gone and it’s not quite late enough for the evening customers to come rushing in. Aside from the couple huddled in the booth in the far back corner, Jongin is the only visitor. A head of blonde pops up from behind the counter and Jongin startles as Soojung grins at her, then sinks back down to resume whatever she’d been doing.

“You’re earlier than usual,” Kyungsoo notes, dusting the flour from his hands on his apron and stepping up to the glass display cases.

“Chanyeol kicked me out,” she complains, slumping with a sigh. Kyungsoo tries to knock her on the head, but she ducks out of range, sticking her tongue out at him. From the side, Soojung lets out a snort of amusement.

“Probably because you look terrible,” he states, earning a pout from Jongin.

“Luhan came in today,” Jongin finally relents, hands pressed on the glass even though she knows how Kyungsoo _hates_ when people touch his pristine display cases. “I need comfort food.”

“You need a therapist,” Kyungsoo grumbles, but he gestures to the array of baked goods spread before him and lets Jongin point at the little key lime pies, plucking one out and handing it to her. “You and your emotional crises are going to put me out of business.”

 

Jongin feels like crap.

Her morning has been awful - starting from when she slept through her alarm, to having to rush out the door without her coffee, tumbling into the office with her hair in disarray and mismatched shoes on her feet. After hiding her shoes under her desk and flopping in her seat, she finally gets a chance to catch her breath.

But that’s when her headache kicks in full force, her body’s not-so-subtle demand for caffeine pulsing through her skull like a freight train. She can’t believe she actually crashed hard enough to sleep through her phone’s irritating wails. After not feeling well the night before, she’d gone to bed early to sleep it off. It seems it was a lost cause though, because her stomach is still shaky and she lays her head on her desk, eyes closed as she wills it all to go away.

Jongin doesn’t realize that she’s fallen asleep until a loud noise jolts her out of it. She sits upright in her seat long enough to see Chanyeol’s mildly guilty expression as he picks up the box he’d dropped. “You alright?” he questions when he sees the way Jongin’s pressing on her eyes.

Jongin lets out a pathetic groan and lets her head fall back to her desk. Chanyeol rushes over, palm curving over her forehead in worry and it’s sweet, but she isn’t feverish. She isn’t sure what she is. It’s probably some tiny stomach bug that’ll pass in a day, so all she has to do is get through today and she’ll be fine tomorrow.

She’s not fine tomorrow.

Or the next day.

It’s increasingly harder to get out of bed every morning and Jongin fights with her every instinct when she crawls from warm blankets and to the bathroom, hoping that this will be the morning she doesn’t throw up. There’s definitely something wrong with her and it’s with a sigh of defeat that she finally calls her doctor for an appointment.

Jongin still goes to work. She may be sluggish and mildly nauseous through most of the day, but that doesn’t mean they can put any of their projects on pause. Yixing has started bringing in coffee to leave on Jongin’s desk for when she gets there and Chanyeol is all kinds of sweet when presented with a sick woman. He’d initially come at Jongin like she was PMSing because that’s what he’s used to. It’s a bit too early for that, though. Yixing, being the Hormonal Dominatrix that she is, has coaxed Jongin’s body into syncing with hers and Yixing is definitely not craving chocolate in vast amounts yet.

Chanyeol’s left a box of tissues on her desk from when he’d diagnosed her with a cold despite the lack of a runny nose. And there’s also flu medicine sitting beside it that Jongin’s been wary about taking. If it was the flu, she’d be a lot worse than she is now.

She lets the two of them know that she’ll be leaving early for her appointment and Chanyeol offers to drive her. Jongin nearly says no until her stomach turns over and her throat closes. “That’d be great, thank you,” she forces out. Taking a bus right now wouldn’t end well for her or anyone on board.

Now all she has to endure is five hours of work.

It doesn’t pass quickly. Jongin manages to sip at the ginger ale Yixing had brought her once her coffee was empty - letting it calm her stomach as she chances a few nibbles on the crackers Chanyeol had dropped off during lunch. Yixing takes to sliding a chair over to Jongin’s desk, helping her with her sketches instead of focusing on her own work. Chanyeol mentions it once, but the dirty look Yixing gives him has him cowering and disappearing into the back for a solid hour.

Chanyeol drops Jongin off at the women’s clinic a little early, hopping out long enough to open her door for her. “I have a meeting not far from here and I’ll swing back by to pick you up when I’m done,” he informs her. Then he smushes her face in his chest with a bear hug and Jongin laughs as she shoves him away.

“Go. I’ll be fine. I’ll text when I’m done.”

She’s an adult. She can totally visit her doctor without anyone there to hold her hand.

Theoretically.

Because right now, Jongin would _really_ like someone here to hold her hand. After a prolonged wait in the waiting room and a nurse coming in to get her vitals and to instruct her to pee in a cup, Jongin is now sitting in the rolling chair beside the table the nurse had gestured toward. The crinkling paper on top has always unnerved her and she won’t be getting up there unless absolutely necessary. At least she doesn’t have to worry with a paper gown that never stays shut in the back. It brings a little comfort.

Jongin’s nausea is worse, but she thinks it’s mostly because of her nerves. She swallows down a mouthful of spit, foot tapping and eyes staring at the informational posters plastered on the walls without taking any of it in.

Doctor Byun, or Baekhyun as she prefers being called, hadn’t been Jongin’s first choice of doctors. Frankly, she’d wanted someone with a bit more experience, but it hadn’t taken long for Jongin to prefer her over all others. Baekhyun brings a warm smile into the room with her, the vivid purple of her shirt giving life to the standard white coat, several smiley face buttons pinned over her black embroidered name.

“Afternoon,” Baekhyun greets, sitting down in the chair by the small table covered in containers of various disposables, and rolling over to where Jongin is sitting. There’s a clipboard on her lap and she taps her nails on it lightly when she skids to a stop. “I hear you’re feeling unwell.”

It’s difficult not to smile at Baekhyun; she’s an absolute ray of sunshine, much like Yixing. Jongin always takes comfort in that. “For a few days now.”

“Nausea, lethargy, wooziness? Anything else?”

“Caffeine headaches,” Jongin laughs and Baekhyun smiles knowingly.

“I foresee less coffee in your future,” she teases.

“This is just a bug that’s going to pass, right?” Jongin asks, suddenly very nervous.

“In a manner of speaking.”

Jongin lets out a slow breath. “So you know what I have?”

Baekhyun’s nail taps twice on her clipboard before she leans forward, taking Jongin’s hands in hers. “Jongin, you’re pregnant.”

It’s rather abrupt the way Jongin stops breathing, like the air is caught in her lungs with no way to escape. Baekhyun’s hands squeeze hers, trying to bring her back. Jongin lets out a whine when she finally exhales, stomach twisted tight and, really, Baekhyun should count herself fortunate that Jongin doesn’t throw up on her.

“Jongin?” Baekhyun says softly, thumbs caressing the backs of Jongin’s hands. “I need you to breathe and focus on me.”

There’s more spit pooled under Jongin’s tongue and she swallows it down, staring ahead at her doctor in confusion and disbelief. It was one night. _One_. And they’d been careful, so careful. “A-are you sure?”

“Yes. But we can also do a blood test if you’d like.”

Jongin’s throat closes and her chest feels heavy, tight. “No,” she mumbles, shaking her head. “No, I trust you.”

Baekhyun is patient, letting Jongin compose herself - or try to anyway - before she leans down into Jongin’s view, head tilted and brown hair falling over her shoulder. “There are options, Jongin. Don’t focus on the moment, alright? Look at me.”

After several shaky exhales, Jongin blinks up at Baekhyun, her vision blurred with tears. 

“I’m assuming this is unplanned.”

Jongin nods, gripping Baekhyun’s hands tight enough to turn her knuckles white.

“Hey, life always throws us surprises when we least expect it. It’s how we handle them that make us who we are.”

It takes a moment for Jongin to react, but when she does, she huffs out a laugh, sniffling. “This is one hell of a surprise.”

Baekhyun seems pleased that she’s gotten Jongin to smile. “This is a judgement free zone, Jongin. Everything that happens in here, stays in here. Confidential. I’m here to help you so tell me how I can help you.”

Jongin gives Baekhyun a pitiful whimper, “What am I supposed to do?”

 

When Chanyeol shows up to get her, Jongin is calm, serene even. There are at least a dozen pamphlets stuffed in her purse, along with a bottle of prenatal vitamins and an appointment card for her next visit so they can start in on all the bloodwork.

It’s a little surreal still and Jongin doesn’t _feel_ different other than the fact her heart won’t stop pounding in her chest. Her nausea is more pronounced and her eyes are puffy and aching from crying, but she can do this.

“Well?” Chanyeol asks as soon as Jongin slides into the passenger seat.

She takes one look at him and bursts into tears. Chanyeol panics and drives her to Kyungsoo’s house while Jongin holds on to her seat like a lifeline. By the time Chanyeol is tugging her into the elevator, awkwardly fidgeting because people are _staring_ at the woman sobbing her heart out, Jongin has reached the point where she’s not entirely sure she’s awake. This could be a nightmare induced by her anxiety or possibly because of the burnt pasta she’d scraped off the bottom of the pot last night and ate anyway. Perhaps she has lead poisoning. That’s still a thing, right?

Chanyeol, always the King of Sensitivity, all but thrusts Jongin toward Kyungsoo when he opens his door, stepping back as Jongin teeters forward. She thinks Kyungsoo is a hallucination until he’s drawing her in, arms securely around her to keep her on her feet and the scent of his fabric softener penetrating her stuffed up nose.

Jongin feels heavy, but Kyungsoo is here now and he’s never let her fall so she puts all her faith in him. It’s not misguided. He’s gentle when he sits her on the couch, crouching in front of her to push the tangled strands of her hair out of the way so he can see her face.

His thumbs swipe to catch the fresh wave of tears and he holds her face so carefully. “What happened? Do I need to go out and kill someone? I know a guy.”

Despite it all, Jongin snorts a laugh and shakes her head, blinking more tears. “No,” she responds weakly. “But I’ve probably scarred Chanyeol.”

“He thinks he broke you,” Kyungsoo chuckles. “I told him you were broken long before he met you.”

Jongin swats weakly at Kyungsoo’s arm, letting her hand settle there. Then she holds on tight. She wants to tell him; all her emotions and a fair few of her internal organs want to spill out right into Kyungsoo’s lap, but she can’t. Her throat closes and she bites at her lip nervously, afraid.

“You have to tell me what’s wrong so I can fix it,” Kyungsoo whispers.

“I-” Jongin’s voice cracks and she lets her head fall, chin to her chest as her hair falls forward to provide a barrier between her and Kyungsoo. “Do you remember the first time I showed up on your parents’ doorstep? I had that ratty pink bag -”

“The one with the kittens.”

“Yeah, the one with the kittens,” Jongin remembers, sniffling and wiping at her tears. “I remember being so angry. I thought it was so unfair that my mom and dad weren’t the same as yours.” Jongin’s throat closes and her face scrunches as she tries not to cry. “I wanted _your_ parents because they loved unconditionally. Because mine had all these - these . . . stipulations.”

“Jongin -” Kyungsoo starts, clearly confused, but Jongin shakes her head, tears dripping down her cheeks.

“I don’t want to be like my parents,” she sobs. “I want to be better. I can be better.”

“You have to make _sense_ for me to know what’s going on,” Kyungsoo all but whines.

Jongin peers up at him, chewing the inside of her lip. She knows Kyungsoo won’t turn his back on her, but it’s still so _hard_. “I fucked up,” she croaks.

Kyungsoo slumps more toward the floor. “Like making out with the high school football captain fucked up or that time during spring break when we were almost arrested in a Waffle House fucked up?"

"Worse - and _I_ wasn't going to get arrested. _You_ were the one who had to compare dicks with the waitress." Kyungsoo’s face falls, his upper lip curling. And Jongin laughs. “Are you still upset that hers was bigger?”

“We’re off topic. This is about you.”

“You remember when I went out with Yixing a few weekends ago?”

“You mean do I remember you waking me up far too early on a Saturday to talk about Mister Rich Man With The Nice Dick?”

“That’s the one,” she sighs, fidgeting.

“Is he back in town? He’s not some crazy stalker I have to beat up in a dark alley is he? Those rich guys have powerful friends.”

“He’s -” Jongin squeezes her eyes shut and takes in a deep breath. “He’s still out of the picture. But it seems his friends aren’t the only powerful things about him,” she jests half-heartedly. “I’m pregnant.”

That is definitely not the answer Kyungsoo is expecting and he falls back on his ass, jaw slack and eyes wide. “You’re _what_? But you’re so _careful_.”

“I _know_ ,” Jongin whines, pushing her hair back with both hands. “And yet here I am.” She looks at Kyungsoo on the floor, her forehead wrinkled with worry and her mouth pinched. “Are you upset with me?”

“Why would I be upset with you? Shocked, yes. Mildly confused, definitely. But you’re my best friend and I _know_ you. Upset _at_ you isn’t even on the list.”

Jongin slides herself off the couch and falls on Kyungsoo, pushing him flat on the floor as she hugs him. His arms wrap around her and Jongin cries again. This time in relief.

 

Jongin makes it into work the following morning, stopping off to buy an apology pastry for Chanyeol and a box of muffins to share because they sound safe enough for her stomach. As per usual, Yixing is already there, humming under her breath as she spins in a circle, pink polka-dotted skirt flaring out and her hair in her face. Jongin watches, amused, until Yixing notices her there.

“I wasn’t sure if you were coming in today,” Yixing announces as she puts down the papers in her hand and rushes over to Jongin’s side to take the box from her. Then she pulls Jongin into a tight one-armed hug. “Chanyeol told me you were upset after your appointment.”

“I’m better now,” Jongin manages to say, swallowing down a little guilt. She’s still trying to process things, still working through her own reactions, and telling people - other than Kyungsoo because she needs her rock - isn’t something she’s prepared for. Not yet.

Yixing pulls away to inspect Jongin, head tilted. Jongin knows she looks like shit. She got very little sleep and the dark bags under her eyes are impossible to hide. But Yixing just sighs fondly and cups Jongin’s face in her palm, leaning in to push their noses together. “I’ll keep close today,” she declares. “Just in case.” Then she’s off, box of muffins in hand and Jongin is left standing there, grinning at her friend.

Everything is the same as she left it the previous afternoon. Jongin doesn’t know why she expects things to be different. It’s like she’s anticipating some physical manifestation to go along with the chaos inside her head, some way to reconcile how she feels with reality. Right now, she’s still floating along without direction, more confused and scared than anything else.

Chanyeol shows up to find Jongin standing by her desk, staring at the files she’d left open and holding a paper bag, unmoving. “Jongin?” he asks quietly. Or at least as quietly as Chanyeol can manage.

She jumps, heart rattling in her chest.

“Sorry,” Chanyeol whispers, reaching out to steady Jongin, but pulling back before he touches her.

Jongin feels terrible. She must have really given him a shock. “It’s fine,” she assures. “ _I’m_ fine,” she adds. “Thank you for yesterday. I didn’t mean to fall apart like that.”

“Are you sure you should be here today? Yixing and I can keep things covered-”

“No,” Jongin says, cutting Chanyeol off. The idea of going back to her apartment, sitting alone with nothing but her thoughts, terrifies her. “I promise, I’m feeling much better.” Chanyeol doesn’t look very convinced. “Cherry turnover?” she offers, holding up the small bag she’s crumpled with her fist.

Chanyeol’s brightens up instantly, bounding over like an excited puppy. Jongin resists the urge to scratch behind his ears, laughing as he opens the bag and moans at the aroma that wafts out. At least some things will always stay the same.

Jongin finally gets herself situated, checking her schedule for the day before diving into what she left behind the afternoon before. Aside from a consultation later, the rest of the day is free to finish up the few concepts she’s still working on. Jongin sort of wishes there was more to do, more to take her mind off things, but Chanyeol’s always been amazing when it comes to time management and keeping projects spaced apart so he doesn’t overload any of them.

Her limbs feel leaden, a few steps up from deadweight, but they might hit bottom soon. She’s dragging herself along and she knows it. One thing Jongin is always enthusiastic about is new consultations. She gets to see the dreamy look on someone’s face as they talk about their vision, their ideas for how they want it to look. There’s a sketch pad in her lap, a pencil in her hand and usually Jongin can get a few decent doodles done just by listening to the client, but today there’s nothing.

Even Yixing is looking over at Jongin, worry scrunching her face.

It almost feels as if it’s not her sitting at the conference table, but someone else. And she’s just there watching, examining. Taking piss poor notes.

A severe lack of coffee isn’t helping Jongin function and she’s shutting down, head falling on the table as soon as Chanyeol escorts the client out. Yixing is behind her moments later, fingers pressing into Jongin’s shoulders until she goes lax. She feels terrible that she’s making her friends worry and that she can’t seem to find the energy to do her job. It’s only the first day. How is she supposed to go nine months this way?

Chanyeol and Yixing are already keeping an extra eye on her, which means they’re not working as diligently as they usually do and Jongin’s guilt multiplies. She eventually shoos Yixing off with a wave of her hand and a promise that she’s doing better, and then Jongin sucks it up and pours all her focus into her work.

One baby step at a time.

She needs to take things as they come at her and right now, work is the most important task. Well, work and the lurch in her stomach that threatens to distract her. She’s positively craving coffee and yet the idea of drinking it makes her stomach worse. Just her luck.

And because the universe hasn’t decided that Jongin’s had enough, Luhan pops in just when Jongin is feeling her worst. It’s only an affront to Jongin’s _everything_ that Luhan looks like she just stepped off a catwalk while Jongin only hopes she’s gotten most of the tangles out of her hair. The pitying frown Luhan gives her makes Jongin think she hasn’t.

“Yixing told me you weren’t feeling well,” Luhan sighs, walking around the counter and over to where Jongin is cowering behind her desk, toes curling in her shoes. “And that you were being stubborn about it.”

Jongin wrinkles her nose and cuts her eyes to where Yixing is walking out of the conference room. Yixing’s eyes widen when she spots Luhan and she backtracks, disappearing inside the room again.

“I’ll be fine,” Jongin croaks. She doesn’t even sound convincing to herself.

“Of course you will be,” Luhan states, propping her butt on the side of Jongin’s desk. Jongin Does Not Stare at the curve of it through Luhan’s white shorts even if she can see the outline of her underwear pushing against the fabric. “But I thought I’d bring you some tea to help because we both know you won’t take time off even if you need it.”

Luhan pulls a box of tea from her purse - ginger, non-caffeinated - and waves it triumphantly. Jongin almost expects the woman to pin her with a beaming smile like she’s filming a commercial. Instead, Luhan hops off Jongin’s desk and heads toward the back where the rarely used kitchen lives in the corner. It would be pointless to stop her. Luhan is an immovable force, impossible to sway unless she absolutely wants to be.

So Jongin pretends to work, her pencil tracing over the same lines over and over, as she listens to Luhan’s low cursing and the clinking of the mugs kept in a small cabinet. She’s smiling by the time Luhan reappears, gripping a mug by the handle with one hand and fingers around the edges of the top so nothing sloshes out as she carefully steps. Warmth blossoms in Jongin’s chest and it’s not because of the tea. It’s sitting untouched in front of her, steam wafting off the top, but Luhan is behind her, carefully gathering Jongin’s hair and pulling it off her neck.

“It’s okay to let someone take care of you sometimes,” Luhan hums. She has Jongin’s hair twisted around her finger as her other hand smooths down the back of Jongin’s neck, digging in with enough pressure to have Jongin sighing, relaxing. “That’s what friends are for.”

Oh how Jongin hates the way that word sounds coming from Luhan’s mouth. It’s wistful, wanting. Almost empty yet bursting into so much more. Jongin aches to turn around and pull Luhan against her, taste the word on her lips to see if it’s bitter or sweet. It burns inside her, scalding hotter than the tea when she takes a sip before it’s cool enough. She hums lightly and Luhan sighs, letting her hands drop.

Jongin is left wanting as Luhan leaves with a casual wave, popping her head into the conference room to let Yixing know she’s out.

 

Jongin thinks she can put the incident out of her head, clear her mind because there are only so many things she can fret over at once without imploding. But that’s simply impossible when Luhan is back in the next day under the pretense of dropping off the new photos for Tao’s flyers.

Jongin had just managed to swipe the bottle of prenatal vitamins off her desk from where she’d been losing a staring match and her gut is twisted, her smile falling short of convincing. She’d been busy debating how much extra she’d have to eat to avoid having to take them because they make her stomach worse, but she knows it’s futile and she needs to suck it up.

It’s Friday and while Jongin looks very much frazzled and ready for the weekend, Luhan is still a vision of absolute beauty. She disappears into the back, foregoing her usual greeting and that does _not_ have Jongin’s chest aching horribly. It doesn’t. Maybe she’s just getting heartburn. She’s read that pregnancy can cause that.

Instead of moping, she goes back to work, flexing her fingers and plucking a pencil from the overflowing cup in her side desk drawer. There’s a cute little puppy half sketched out and she tilts her head, wondering if she should add a ribbon around its neck. She’s so engrossed that she doesn’t notice the presence beside her until Luhan is setting a steaming mug - bright orange with daisies printed over it - in front of her, the ceramic thunking on wood.

Jongin leans over, her nose scrunching when she smells tea. “This isn’t coffee,” she grumbles. She knows she needs to give up the addiction, but it’s so _hard_. She’s _wired_ for coffee now.

Luhan gives Jongin a Look that has Jongin shrinking down in her seat. “We both know coffee would tear up your stomach. The tea will help. Besides, caffeine is a terrible addiction.”

“There are worse addictions,” Jongin argues weakly. She also happens to know that Luhan is a coffee fanatic herself. After all, she’s the one who introduced Jongin to trying the different flavors of coffee at the corner shop instead of sticking to normal brew.

“We’ll work on your worse addictions later,” Luhan teases. “For now, drink so I know you at least have something suitable in your system.”

Jongin glances over at Luhan, her heart in her throat. It’d be so easy to imagine that Luhan’s actions stem from something more than friendship, but Jongin isn’t quite far gone enough for that delusion. She takes the tea with a grateful hum and blows the steam off the top. It’s ginger again and she has to admit that it had helped her stomach calm yesterday. Which makes Luhan right. As usual.

Luhan stands there long enough to make sure Jongin is actually drinking the tea before she goes to find Yixing again. Her fingers are soft when she slides them through Jongin’s hair, pushing it from her face to tuck behind her ear before giving Jongin a smile and disappearing.

Jongin swallows wrong and ends up suppressing a coughing fit because the last thing she needs is Luhan rushing over as Jongin goes red in the face because she can’t even Human properly.

 

Kyungsoo thinks it’s hilarious. Jongin’s propped on his couch, frowning with half a piece of chicken still in her mouth which isn’t as easy a thing as one would expect. There’s a tall half-empty glass of milk on the coffee table courtesy of Kyungsoo taking the beer right out of Jongin’s hand. She’d been on autopilot and the interception was greatly appreciated.

Kyungsoo’s amusement at her social blunders is not.

“I don’t know what you’re so upset about,” Kyungsoo explains as Jongin devours the rest of her piece of chicken before disposing of the bone on the plate atop the coffee table. “You’re the one who broke things off and she’s been very respectful of that.”

“I know,” Jongin whines, sliding further down so she can wiggle the tips of her barefeet up Kyungsoo’s ankles. “But it’s complicated.”

“Everything with you is complicated.” Jongin makes a disgruntled noise and Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow at her. “And she’s right. You need to lay off the coffee. If you don’t, that kid’s going to need a caffeine drip within an hour of being born.”

“Why are you all ganging up on me?” Jongin dramatically sighs, her head falling back with a hand on her forehead. “No one is on Team Jongin.”

Kyungsoo snorts, reaching down to grab one of Jongin’s ankles so he can pull her flat on the couch. She only yelps a little. “I’m on Team Parasite,” he corrects, patting Jongin’s tummy softly.

All the fight goes out of Jongin and she looks down at Kyungsoo’s fingers tapping where her baby is growing. “Yeah,” she agrees. “Me too.” Even if she’s suffering from horrible caffeine headaches that do more harm than good to her already fragile state, the idea of doing anything that could harm the little peanut growing inside her is worse.

 

It’s physically painful for Jongin to turn down the coffee Chanyeol sets on her desk Monday morning. Over the weekend, Jongin had handed over her entire stash of coffee, including coffee maker, to Kyungsoo to hold on to for her in case her resolve weakened. And now the tantalizing aroma of freshly ground coffee beans mixed with raspberry is making her mouth water. But she swallows it down and pushes it away with an apology.

Chanyeol and Yixing both look at her like she’s sprouted a second head.

“I’m on a cleanse,” she lies, still uneasy with other people knowing. Chanyeol and Yixing are her friends. Her _best_ friends after Kyungsoo and she knows they wouldn’t judge her, but her throat closes up at the thought of voicing out loud that she’s growing a life inside her that isn’t bacterial in nature.

How do people usually break the news that they’re pregnant?

Jongin staunchly refuses to hire a skywriter - as the internet so cleverly suggested - and decides she’ll figure it out later. For now, she’s going to pine over coffee dreams and nibble on the ginger wafers Yixing brought for her after lunch. Yixing had stood there rubbing up and down Jongin’s back almost enough to put her to sleep before tickling Jongin’s sides to startle her awake. She’d darted off with a cackle, neatly dodging the empty plastic cup Jongin had thrown at her with ease.

She’s out of her seat, stretching her legs by walking around on her tip-toes, arms over her head when the bell rings. In walks Tao, black leather molded to his legs and a loose tank top hanging low so the few hairs on his chest get some air. His hair is vivid red which is a mild surprise because it had been blond the last time she’d seen him.

“Chanyeol around?” Tao asks immediately, even as he swoops in to give Jongin a hug. Her feet come off the floor and he spins, finally depositing Jongin on the counter.

“What’s it worth to you?” Jongin teases. From here, she’s high enough to get her hands on Tao’s hair, letting it slide silky smooth through her fingers. It’s a good color on him.

Tao pouts and Jongin snorts, unaffected. He’s shameless when it comes to something he wants and, well, Tao wants Chanyeol in an extreme way. Sadly for Tao, Chanyeol is the most oblivious human alive and Tao might as well be hitting against a brick wall for all the response he gets. Doesn’t stop him from trying though.

Jongin finally sighs, flicking at his ear and watching one of his many piercings tap against another. “He’s in the conference room. With Yixing. I’m sure she’ll leave if you ask nicely.”

“You’re the best,” Tao announces before darting off. It’s amazing how he can even move in those pants, let alone manage a slow jog and Jongin is shaking her head with a grin. Chanyeol’s afternoon is about to get _interesting_.

 

Jongin’s feet are tapping on light patterned tile, her bottom lip trapped in her teeth as her eyes glaze over. She’s a bit light-headed, not having eaten much this morning before her appointment, but she hadn’t anticipated them draining half her blood. She should have. Now her stomach is waging a protest and her head is pounding and she’s covered in cold sweat because she’d nearly passed out.

When Kyungsoo volunteered to come with her for her first Official Pregnancy Start-Up appointment, she’d waved him off and scoffed that he would think she wouldn’t be able to handle it herself. Now she’s second guessing that decision, finger hovering over Kyungsoo’s name on her phone. The only reason she hasn’t sent off a text yet is because he won’t even need to use any emoticons for her to hear the _I told you so_ in his tone.

Baekhyun had given Jongin a choice when she was here only a few weeks ago. She’d been listing off trained obstetricians available and ended with herself when she could have just opened with that because Jongin’s already comfortable with Baekhyun. The woman’s already well acquainted with Jongin’s body so going with anyone else would have been silly. Still, it was nice of Baekhyun to offer.

Jongin’s gown falls open in the back and she shivers, reaching around to hold it closed. The ties never stay done and usually it’s a matter of either holding the fabric closed on her gown, or gripping the paper covering up around her waist. She could be getting dressed. Baekhyun’s already been by to check on her, her demeanor cheerful even when she was leaning between Jongin’s legs to administer a pap smear. “Just to be safe. It’s been almost a year since your last one.”

After discussing a diet of mostly bland foods and a sympathetic pout when Jongin talked about how her prenatal vitamins were making her feel worse, Baekhyun had told Jongin she could rest for as long as she needed before leaving the room. Jongin’s still a little woozy, but she slowly starts piecing herself together, grimacing at the slide of her thighs. There are only scratchy paper towels in the room and she dabs herself down, vowing to shower when she gets home.

Jongin finally shoots Kyungsoo a text before slipping on her shoes. He answers back almost instantly. He’d probably been staring at his phone, waiting for Jongin to cave and accept a ride from him. She waits just outside the clinic, enjoying the warm autumn sun on her legs and face. Her sunglasses slip down her nose and she pushes them back up, tilting her head back and letting her eyes close. It would be so easy to fall asleep and she struggles not to, thankful when Kyungsoo pulls up to rescue her.

“You look like death warmed over,” Kyungsoo remarks.

She pauses, seatbelt mid-way over her lap, and seriously contemplates hitting her best friend in the mouth. “I’ve decided vampirism is the only way I’m going to survive this so I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to eat you now,” she deadpans.

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes, then reaches over and buckles Jongin in for her. “I hear you’re supposed to drink a vampire’s blood too, but you just look half drained.”

“Asshole,” Jongin grumbles, wiggling her butt in the seat until she’s comfortable.

“Be nice. This asshole is going to make sure you eat before you go to work.”

Jongin just sticks her tongue out at him, silently brooding over the state of her stomach. It’s not too long of a drive, but her entire body feels it and she’s wobbly when she gets out of the car. Kyungsoo rushes over to keep her from stumbling, clucking his tongue as Jongin pouts at him.

“Hey boss!” Soojung greets as the pair walk into the bakery. “Wasn’t expecting you till later.”

Kyungsoo eyes the half empty trays in the cases and sighs. He hates it when they aren’t all full in the middle of the day. At night, he’s a little more forgiving. But, Jongin is also aware that Soojung has this uncanny ability to up-sell anything and she’s the reason that Kyungsoo fights to keep their inventory full. Jongin once witnessed Soojung convince a guy that his apology cookies needed a box of chocolate strawberries to go with them, and you can’t have chocolate strawberries with _just_ cookies. The man ended up walking out with half the baked goods in the shop.

Kyungsoo had wanted to throttle her _and_ kiss her at the same time. Instead, he just gave her a raise and told her not to let it get to her head.

He’s the only one who can keep up with Soojung emptying the cases. Irene - their other baker - tries, but she doesn’t have as much experience and if she rushes, the food doesn’t come out as good. Or as pretty.

Jongin takes a seat as Kyungsoo disappears into the back. Soojung nudges her a few minutes later, placing a strawberry muffin and a glass of milk in front of her. “We ran out of blueberry,” she apologizes. “And Kyungsoo said you’re banned from coffee.”

Jongin huffs and Soojung grins as she spins on her heel to greet the customers who have just walked in the door. “Welcome to The Naked Baker!” she chirps. “What sweet treat may I get for you today?”

Jongin may as well make herself comfortable. Kyungsoo probably won’t tear himself from the kitchen until he’s caught Irene up and the displays are refilled. That man has a work ethic that Jongin envies, but it helps that he’s doing something he loves and even after several years, his enthusiasm hasn’t waned. Plus, now Jongin gets a cat nap in before going back to work for the rest of the afternoon.

 

Jongin’s starting to think she’s got this under control. She’s still exhausted when she gets up in the morning, fighting with herself to roll out from underneath toasty blankets, but she does. And her head doesn’t pound anymore now that she’s finally getting over her caffeine headaches. Plus, with the tea, she still has something to replace coffee in her routine _and_ it gets her stomach settled in time for lunch. It means less trips to the bathroom and her travel toothbrush gets to stay in her purse.

It’s been a very long couple of weeks and she’s planning on thoroughly pampering herself this weekend. The world will be lucky if she manages to step out of her apartment to grace it with her presence. She’ll probably end up in a pillow pile on the couch, finishing up these designs that she’s been putting off. None of them _feel_ right.

Jongin tosses them aside and stands, slowly rolling her ankle until it pops before walking toward the front counter. Yixing is out at the printers and Chanyeol has a client on speakerphone in his office. The only thing Jongin hears through the door is Chanyeol’s booming laughter.

It leaves Jongin free to waste her time. Or it would if someone wasn’t walking through the door. Jongin glances up and wishes she hadn’t. Really, really, _really_ wishes. Because Luhan has just flounced in, her hair bleached _silver_ and flowing down her back in waves. She looks so much like the magical shoujo heroine straight from the manga that Jongin had been addicted to when she was a teenager.

Luhan is smiling, speaking, waving her hand in Jongin’s face, but Jongin is gone. She’s vacated her body in search of one with a view that doesn’t have her heart spewing all over the counter in front of her. “Jongin?” Luhan questions, snapping her fingers in Jongin’s face.

Jongin’s mouth falls open. Nothing comes out but the faintest of squeaks. And she’s quick to clack her teeth shut after, cheeks burning in embarrassment. Jongin couldn’t form a coherent sentence if she tried.

Luhan appears far too pleased with herself. Jongin knows smug when she sees it. Luhan wears the emotion often; Jongin just hadn’t expected to be the recipient of it. Luhan leans on the counter, her forearms together and the front of her shirt dipping enough to tease. Jongin swallows and tries to pull her eyes away, but _dammit, Luhan is so breathtakingly beautiful_.

“If I’d have known you’d react like this, I would have gift-wrapped myself,” Luhan teases.

“Why-” Jongin croaks, pausing to clear her throat. “Why is your hair the shade of my mother’s?”

The smile on Luhan’s face falls into a frown and she sits up, nose scrunched. She’s gone from sexy to cute in under two seconds and Jongin might actually pass out. When was the last time she ate?

“You’re not a very good liar,” Luhan announces. “And Tao wanted to go with _ethereal_ as a theme for this last shoot. Somehow that means silver hair. I kinda like it.”

“It looks weird,” Jongin says defensively, aggressively trying not to picture Luhan in any kind of _ethereal_ way.

“Bullshit,” Luhan laughs. “You think it’s hot. It’s written all over your face.”

“There is nothing on my face except sympathy for your poor frazzled strands of dried up hair that are going to start snapping off.”

Luhan gathers her hair on one side and leans on the counter again. “Feel it. Soft and silky.”

Jongin knows better than to take the bait, but she does anyway. She reaches out, clearly surprising Luhan by not putting up a fight, and lets her fingers slide over the side of Luhan’s head and down into her hair. It really does feel nice and smooth. Jongin flicks her thumb over the ends of the strands and hums lightly. When she looks back at Luhan, Luhan’s stare seems to be fixated on Jongin’s mouth.

Jongin gulps, her stomach swooping and her heart climbing into her throat. That whole spewing thing might get very real, very soon. Jongin can’t seem to pull herself away, even if her brain is telling her that Luhan is leaning in. She’s so close that Jongin could count her eyelashes and Jongin takes in a shuddering breath.

The bell over the door rings and Jongin startles, stepping back and away from Luhan as her heart pounds beneath her ribs.

Yixing is smirking at the two of them like she knows exactly what’s going on. “Am I interrupting something?” she sing-songs, clearly entertained. Jongin takes the chance to lower herself to the floor, crouching out of sight.

“I brought the next set of photos for you to peruse at your leisure. Tao won’t need anything new for a while - I hope - but eventually it’ll be -”

“Did you come all the way here just to hand me something I don’t need?” Yixing teases. She walks behind the counter, a packet in her hand and a twinkling smile directed at Jongin who is still on the floor. “Or was it an excuse to see our pretty Jongin?”

Jongin hisses and reaches out to slap Yixing’s leg. Above her, Jongin hears Luhan’s scoffing laugh. “ _I_ was being _nice_ by letting you get a head start,” she answers although her voice is a bit too high. “See if I do anything nice for you again.”

Jongin shrinks in on herself, holding her breath until the bell rings and Yixing is doubling over in silent laughter. Jongin hits her leg again and decides she’s staying right where she is for the rest of the day.

 

Saturday finds Jongin cuddling a pillow on her couch, staring blankly at her television as she waits for inspiration to strike. The female on the show is blonde and pretty, but not as pretty as Luhan. Jongin doesn’t mean to think about Luhan, but it always seems to happen. She lets out a soft, dreamy sigh and hugs the pillow in her arms to her face, smothering a scream. She hates the way her heart flutters and her cheeks feel warm.

Luhan isn’t supposed to instill these reactions in her anymore. Jongin should be desensitized to Luhan’s flirting and her adorably sexy face and her tendency to invade Jongin’s space, but she’s not. It’s just as bad as it was when they met. Or maybe it’s worse. At this point she knows all of Luhan’s flaws and _still_ finds her so . . . maddening.

It’s easy, sometimes, to imagine what it would be like if she gave in. Moments of weakness have her daydreaming about Luhan sitting on her lap, tucking Jongin’s hair behind her ears, and peering down at Jongin as if she’s the most precious thing in the world. It’s so _easy_ because Jongin can draw on actual memories. Luhan _had_ treated her like she was special. She’d doted on her and complimented her and used every excuse to touch her.

Jongin’s stomach clenches just thinking about the past. Her heart thunders and her chest aches because as much as she loved it, she was also afraid. Luhan hadn’t been part of that steady routine that got Jongin through her days without panic. The temptation to veer from that straight and narrow path would be greater if Jongin’s last detour hadn’t left her with something that would affect her for the rest of her life.

Her hand finds its way to her stomach, splayed underneath her belly button. It doesn’t feel any different, but she knows it is. Inside. There’s a life growing inside her, depending on her to care for it. And Jongin will. There was never any question of that.

She wonders what her child will be like - if it will be a boy or a girl, dark hair or light? She’s going to be responsible for a little person. The idea is terrifying, mostly because she doesn’t want to be her parents. She’s not her parents.

Jongin looks down at her tummy and pats it a few times. “Hey you in there,” she starts, “I’m promising you right now that you can be anything you want to be. Anything. And I’ll love you no matter what.”

On the coffee table, Jongin’s phone starts ringing and she jumps, cursing when her pillow hits the floor.

“Do you have any idea what _time_ it is?” she grumps when she accepts the call even if it’s barely noon and everyone who knows Jongin knows she is physically incapable of sleeping past ten.

Kyungsoo laughs in her ear. “Unlock your door, Jongin. I come bearing food.”

Jongin scrambles off the couch; food is worth moving from her throne of pillows and blankets. She swings open the door and Kyungsoo holds up a bag. “I brought fruit kebabs.”

 

The only downside to having an amazingly relaxing weekend with a best friend who spoils Jongin rotten is that _something_ is bound to go wrong on Monday. It never fails. She’d been in _such_ a wonderful mood this morning despite her stomach’s valiant efforts to drag her down. She sipped on warm tea and pulled out a few of the final drawings she’d managed to get out over the weekend and handed them over to Yixing, feeling rather accomplished all things considered.

That was this morning.

This afternoon has Jongin trapped in a conference room with a potential client who seems to have little understanding of the pesky details about advertising like Copyright Laws and the consequences of _breaking_ them. She’s managed to chew the cap of her pen into plastic mush and her teeth hurt and she might actually try to use the pen to stab someone.

Chanyeol has been trying his damndest to make this man get the concept, but it’s not taking. Even Yixing can’t keep the disbelief off her face. Her upper lip is curled and she’s staring with her mouth open and forehead wrinkled in complete disdain. Jongin’s actually sketched it out on her paper, adding a little cartoon body with flailing arms to go along with it.

Eventually, everyone decides that enough is enough. Chanyeol, polite as ever, escorts the man out of the building and walks back into the conference room after, smoothing out his shirt. “Hard pass,” he grunts and then leaves. “I’m going to Kyungsoo’s for something bad for my health and I’m taking orders.”

“Anything covered in chocolate!” Yixing calls out, slipping from her seat to move into the one next to Jongin.

Jongin tilts her drawing at Yixing who snorts in amusement as she takes it from her. “Something with fruit! Ask Soo. He’ll know what I want. Thank you!”

Chanyeol makes a noise and leaves, probably grumpy because he hates losing potential clients. Especially over something this dumb.

“Fruit?” Yixing asks, rotating Jongin’s chair until she can drape her legs over Jongin’s lap. Usually, when offered a choice, Jongin jumps on sweet and sugary over healthy.

“Soo brought the _best_ fruit kebabs over the weekend,” Jongin gushes. “They were like heaven on a stick.”

“And how’s your stomach?”

The floor drops out from underneath Jongin. She sucks in a sharp breath without meaning to. “Getting better,” she mumbles even as the guilt wells in her chest. She knows that Yixing and Chanyeol worry about her. And it’s hard not to tell them, but it’s hard _er_ to come out with the words. There’s no way she can handle the barrage of questions that would follow when she doesn’t even have the answers herself.

“You know,” Yixing starts, leaning back in her chair with Jongin’s sketch held up to see, “I should use this for my business cards.”

Jongin grins, even if she knows what Yixing is doing. She’d been obviously uncomfortable and Yixing is never the type to push at boundaries except when she knows Jongin wants them pushed. And Jongin doesn’t. Not right now. Jongin would scoot over onto Yixing’s lap to hug her if she weren’t already so comfortable where she is.

“What did you forget this time?” Yixing shouts when the bell rings over the door. Chanyeol is constantly walking out without his keys or his wallet or his phone or sometimes his shoes. He’s actually walked several blocks in his socks before noticing that people were staring at his feet.

“My date,” answers a very _not_ Chanyeol voice.

“You’re not Chanyeol,” Yixing states when Luhan parades into the conference room.

“I’m much hotter than Chanyeol,” Luhan tosses out without hesitation. “And probably far better company.”

Yixing raises an eyebrow at her. “And who is your lucky date?”

Luhan spins and smiles down at Jongin who has valiantly not turned three shades of red from the vision of Luhan’s mostly backless top. It’s only held together with a few strings of fabric. _Strings_. “Jongin, if she’ll have me.”

“Oh she’ll have you,” Yixing teases, pulling her legs off Jongin’s lap. “It’s probably best to get her out of the office before she goes Hulk.”

“Bad day?” Luhan asks Jongin, her fingers already finding a home in Jongin’s hair. Jongin resolutely Does Not tilt into the touch.

It’s Yixing who answers even if the question wasn’t directed at her. “Asshole potential client whom I can now stamp DENIED all over before shredding the file.” There are few things that make Yixing happier than getting to run something through the paper shredder. Jongin will never understand.

"So how about it?" Luhan croons even as she lulls Jongin into a sense of security that pulls at her heart.

She completely forgets about Chanyeol and fruit, pushing herself out of her chair. "Lunch sounds great if you're paying."

Luhan clucks her tongue, but tucks Jongin against her side anyway. "Of course I am. I love spoiling my favorites."

Jongin's stomach somersaults across the office and out the door, leaving Jongin with the sinking feeling that she's about to lose a key battle with herself that she hadn't even been aware she was fighting. It's easy to get her outside in the fresh air, Luhan holding tight to Jongin's hand.

"Are you in the mood for anything in particular?" Luhan queries, her eyes squinting until she pulls the sunglasses from her hair and slips them on. There's still a little hair trapped in the side and Jongin brushes it free, tucking it behind Luhan's ear, not realizing what she's doing until she catches Luhan staring at her.

"Anywhere is fine," Jongin answers, hoping to pull Luhan's attention from the red staining her cheeks. This is awful. She's not supposed to be this way. She shouldn't allow Luhan to keep such a possessive hold on her as she weaves them through afternoon foot traffic down the sidewalks, finally steering them into a small sandwich shop. She shouldn't be daydreaming about what this would be if it was a date.

Jongin is pregnant. She can't afford to let her head drift into the clouds when there's a responsibility as heavy as this weighing her down. This isn't about her anymore. This is about the little peanut currently enjoying Jongin's club sandwich with her.

"Yixing says you're nearly out of that tea I brought in. Should I pick up more?" Luhan inquires, head tilted so the sunlight glints off the back-to-blonde strands and threatens to blind Jongin.

"You don't need to. I'll grab some the next time I'm out."

Luhan pouts, kicking at Jongin's ankle lightly under the small table they're sharing. "Let me do something nice for you and at least keep you stocked up on tea. It seems to have helped."

"It has," Jongin answers with a smile. "And I think the coffee detox has done wonders for my health. You should try it."

Luhan's face scrunches just before she laughs. She's loud and obnoxious and her jaw looks as if it may unhinge completely and still, Jongin is enamored. Jongin picks at the bread on her sandwich until a smiley face stares up at her. Luhan is back to babbling about the new flavors of coffee she's been mixing together and Jongin is quite possibly in over her head.

She wonders what would happen if she told Luhan. Would there be judgement on her pretty face, the smile gone from her lips as she realizes that Jongin isn't joking? Would she still treat Jongin so wonderfully?

The words bubble up in her throat, just waiting for Jongin to open her mouth and let them come floating out. Luhan's sandal hits lightly against Jongin's ankle under the table and Luhan raises her hands, gesticulating as she talks about her experience with the _worst_ barista she's ever come across.

In the end, Jongin bites her tongue. She finishes her food in near silence and lets Luhan accompany her back to the office. Luhan pulls her into a hug before she leaves and Jongin hates herself.

Jongin spends the rest of her afternoon lamenting her feelings towards Luhan as she slumps over the front counter for support. There's a piece of paper she's scribbling on - mostly angry faces plastered on tiny Luhan bodies and the occasional cat because who doesn't love cats. Even Chanyeol loves cats and he's allergic. (They found that out the hard way when they'd tried to get an office cat. Now the poor kitty lives with Yixing.)

Chanyeol swans in, tablet in hand until he spots Jongin and halts in his tracks. "Uh," he begins, gesturing to Jongin vaguely. "Nice bra?"

Heat flares in Jongin's cheeks when she realizes her shirt had dropped low enough to showcase directly down to her bra. She presses a hand to her chest as Yixing throws a disturbingly accurate paper ball that hits Chanyeol right between the eyes.

 

Jongin has never spent so much time in the produce section of the grocery store in her life. There is a variety of fresh fruits and vegetables for her to pick from and it’s a little intimidating. She’ll be the first one to admit that she’s a terrible eater and this is why.

She’d declined an invitation from Yixing to go out for dinner with Chanyeol and Tao after work because she was still drowning in her Luhan related misery and now she’s starting to regret it. Even if she has to deal with Chanyeol on a daily basis, it’s far more entertaining when Tao is there, obviously flirting and getting blank stares in return.

Jongin eventually abandons her adventures in the produce section and heads into familiar territory. Fruit flavored gummies are close enough to the real thing, right? She drops a box in her cart and pushes off, heading for the breakfast aisle after. Normally she’s not much for putting food on her stomach first thing in the morning, but Yixing had suggested those breakfast drinks instead because they’re full of vitamins and would probably help.

She’s tired, dragging her feet and Jongin slowly shuffles her way around until she’s stopped altogether. There’s a family standing further down the aisle. The mom is examining the top shelf of cereal, a little boy is zooming like an airplane around the cart and a young girl is watching him, laughing from her seat in the front of the cart. Jongin is smiling at the girl absentmindedly, admiring her adorably puffy cheeks and the unruly curls in her hair.

Someone turns down the aisle behind Jongin and she has to move, but not without waving at the little girl when she passes. The mother is putting several boxes in the cart while simultaneously keeping her son from running directly into the path of the other carts and Jongin wonders if she’ll ever manage doing this all on her own. It’s been _just_ her for so long.

Motherly instincts kick in on their own, don’t they?

Without meaning to, Jongin’s thoughts turn to Luhan. Luhan would probably be amazing with a child. She’s one of those people who can handle anything thrust at her. Jongin’s heart races and she groans, snapping out of the scenes her imagination is conjuring when her cart slams into a display of granola bars. The boxes spill to the floor, a few making it into her cart and Jongin is mortified.

Her cheeks are hot and she gets down onto the floor to clean it up. She’s eventually shooed away by an employee as she apologizes over and over.

Really, how is she supposed to care for another person when she can barely take care of herself?

 

At least Jongin will always have Kyungsoo. He forces her out of her misery and into the back of his shop, allowing her to partake of his latest creation.

_The Naked Baker_ is known for its amazing sweets and delicious baked goods, but there’s more to it than that. All that is just the front. What Kyungsoo really enjoys are the custom orders that cater to the . . . unique customer. He gets paid well to make the oddest, usually borderline pornographic, creations. Sometimes he gets carried away.

Like now.

He’s standing proudly in front of a table that displays his newest order.

“A dick train,” Jongin deadpans. It would look like one of the festive ones Jongin and Kyungsoo used to build from pre-made gingerbread kits when she’d stay at his house over the holidays as kids, except it’s far more colorful and every train car is shaped like a penis. Kyungsoo is _preening_. “It looks like a rainbow threw up on it.”

“They wanted extravagant and I made extravagant,” Kyungsoo returns, his smile falling.

Jongin gazes down at the masterpiece of penis cars, each outlined with white frosting that has multi-colored penis shaped gummies stuck to it. There are even little passengers that look like dick-shaped lollipops sitting in rows. There are more dicks on this train than Jongin had ever thought possible and while anyone else might have made a mess of this order, she has to admit that it’s pleasing to the eye.

“I think your dick aficionados will be pleased.”

Kyungsoo brightens up, clapping once at Jongin’s approval. “I had to order the gummies and the lollipops, but they taste amazing. Here.”

Kyungsoo pops a purple dick-shaped gummy into Jongin’s mouth before she can protest. She bites down on it and - “Wow,” she groans. “This is _good_.”

“I know!” Kyungsoo exclaims in glee. “I ordered way too many though, so you can have them. Otherwise I’ll eat them all myself and I nearly gave myself a stomach ache once today.”

Jongin is already shoving a few more in her mouth, intent on grabbing the other two unopened bags to put in her purse for later. The fruit gummies she’d gotten at the store have nothing on these.

“Pace yourself,” Kyungsoo cautions. “Make sure peanut enjoys them as much as you do.”

Jongin pats her tummy. “My baby has excellent taste. There’s no need to fear.”

Kyungsoo is already opening his mouth, probably to chide Jongin on her assumptions, but the chime of someone entering the shop echoes in the back. He’s slipping out to the front, letting the door swing behind him as Jongin sticks her tongue out at him.

“Is Jongin here?” she hears Yixing ask.

“She’s in the back,” Kyungsoo answers. “Eating dick.”

Jongin’s cheeks are turning red when she walks out, head held high and all Kyungsoo’s extra gummy dicks now in her bag. “Fruity dick,” she clarifies, tossing a few more in her mouth. “You want one?”

Yixing picks an orange gummy from Jongin’s handful before wrapping an arm around Jongin’s waist to lead her back to the office. She waves absently behind her at Kyungsoo, occupied with sorting her gummies into groups so she gets maximum flavor. Yixing is kind enough to be her eyes, letting Jongin lean against her the entire way there.

Chanyeol is propped on the front counter when they get back, the sleeves of his purple button-up rolled to his elbows and the top two buttons undone. He’s making a horrible face at something on the paper in front of him. Jongin bounds over, holding out her hand. “Cherry dick?” she offers with a smile.

Chanyeol blinks, but opens his mouth and lets Jongin pop a few in before she eats the rest. He makes a noise of approval, eyebrows raising and his once horrible face is now a different kind of horrible. A mellow horrible. She’s just about to ask why Chanyeol is frowning so deeply when she’s cut off by the door opening. Never a moment of peace.

“Tao!” Yixing exclaims, alerting Jongin as to who is now traipsing into the office. “You’re right on time! Chanyeol is eating Jongin’s dick!”

Chanyeol bursts into laughter and Jongin huffs, turning to give Yixing a face. “Fine, I’m not sharing my dicks anymore.” She makes a show of tossing another few in her mouth before retreating to her desk. She’s only mildly embarrassed that Luhan had come in with Tao and is now chasing after Jongin in lieu of standing by Tao. He’s entertaining Yixing and Chanyeol with his best imitation of a fish. He’s probably been struck dumb by the veins on Chanyeol’s arms.

“Dicks, huh?” Luhan inquires, peering curiously at the bag of gummies on Jongin’s desk. “Can I try some?”

Jongin _would_ stand by her no sharing statement, but the sun is glinting off Luhan’s hair and her lips are so unfairly pink and glittery and Jongin can’t say no to that. It’s at this point that Jongin has to confess, at least to herself, that Luhan is her favorite and she’s always going to be a sucker for her.

Luhan sits on the corner of Jongin’s desk, biting the tips off the penises before eating the rest and Jongin is so fond her heart aches. Luhan is a vicious dick killer and Jongin spends the rest of her day with images of Luhan’s mouth and tongue taunting her every time she blinks.

 

Jongin is having a very emotional day.

It started this morning with a doctor's visit. There had been promises of less needles made last time which is why Jongin had decided going alone would be fine. What she hadn't anticipated was having everyone on the bus shuffling away from the crazy crying lady who was seated near the back.

Her eyes are still sore and puffy and Yixing had immediately swept Jongin into a hug when she'd come in to work after. She'd still been woozy then, but she's doing better now. She’s had her tea which helped clear her head and Chanyeol had placed a cup of mixed fruit pieces on her desk not long after.

There's work in front of her; her desk is an uncharacteristically cluttered mess and yet she can't be bothered to fix it just yet. Her hand rests flat on her belly, pushing just the slightest bit over where her baby is growing. Tears threaten to spring to her eyes again and she blinks them back.

It was one thing to know there was a tiny life growing inside of her, but during her appointment, she'd heard its heartbeat for the first time. It had brought such a shock of reality that Jongin had frozen, her heart thumping loud in her ears. There's a _baby_ inside her body and it's very much alive. She’d cried from happiness after that, feeling overwhelmed by her emotions. 

It wasn’t as draining on her, but she’s extra vigilant to stay hydrated anyway.

The bell on the door tinkles and Jongin glances up, watching as a new customer walks inside. He's clearly never been in before and Jongin is about to call for Chanyeol when Yixing pops out. Jongin is spared from having to move and she goes back to absentmindedly going over several lines again as she smiles to herself, her head propped on her hand.

She's humming a tune under her breath, her mind dwindling off into its own little world of days spent taking care of her son or daughter, of wondering what her child will be like when it grows.

A giggle echoes through the office and Jongin snaps out of her reverie, head whipping up to see Yixing in her standard Flirting Pose. She's leaning over the desk, arms crossed beneath her breasts so her cleavage pools over the low cut neckline of her top. From here, Jongin can see how valiantly the man is trying to keep his eyes on her face. His cheeks are pink and he's smiling at Yixing like she's the most incredible thing he's ever seen.

Chanyeol finally comes out of the back and he makes a beeline right for the customer, but Yixing waves him off. Jongin suppresses a snort of amusement, her attention riveted on the scene. Chanyeol joins her, sitting on the edge of her desk and pretending he's looking over Jongin's sketches as the pair watch.

Yixing is definitely flirting. And if Jongin's not mistaken, so is the customer. He's got this starstruck expression, his lips curved up on one side as he speaks and Yixing keeps edging closer toward him even if there's not much further she can go short of climbing on the counter. Jongin wouldn't put it past her.

The sound of Chanyeol's ringtone goes off in his office and he whines when he has to dart off to grab it, leaving Jongin the sole audience of a rather intense mating dance. She has to bite her tongue a few times, not wanting to remind Yixing that she's sitting right behind her.

Jongin pops a cube of fresh honeydew into her mouth, licking the juice off her fingers when the bell rings again. It must be one of those busy days. She's about to stand, but sits when she sees that it's just Tao. And Luhan.

Jongin's stomach flips.

The two of them stop in their tracks when they see Yixing doing her thing. Tao's mouth drops and Luhan reaches over to close it again. Jongin half-stands to wave them over.

"What's going on?" Luhan whispers. She smells amazing today and her hair tickles Jongin's shoulder.

"Yixing is in full flirt mode," she whispers back loud enough for both Tao and Luhan to hear. "She's been at it for twenty minutes."

"I think he's about to faceplant in her rack," Luhan laughs softly.

"Only because Yixing wants him to," Jongin answers, amused. "I forgot how aggressive she can be."

"It's a thing of beauty," Luhan sighs, reaching over to steal a piece Jongin's watermelon.

Tao cocks his head, chewing the inside of his cheek thoughtfully. "I wonder if she could teach me a thing or two."

"You don't need any teaching," Luhan snorts. "You just have a dense audience."

"Speaking of . . . " Jongin whispers just as Chanyeol walks out of his office, distracted by the phone pressed to his ear.

Tao gets one look at the skinny jeans Chanyeol had probably had to wrestle on this morning and flops right on Jongin's desk with a dazed look on his face.

"They might be a while," Luhan says softly as she gestures toward Yixing, breath caressing Jongin's ear. "Can I buy you lunch?"

Jongin's head says no, but her heart _and_ stomach team up to overrule good sense. Tao will be fine. Jongin pushes him toward her vacated chair and he doesn't seem to notice even when they tell him they're leaving. He's too fixated on the way Chanyeol's jeans seem to accentuate the little bit of ass Chanyeol actually has. Jongin will never understand.

 

"You should have let me take you," Kyungsoo says for the third or fourth time since Jongin got to his apartment.

She sighs and sets down her tall glass of milk, letting out a soft burp after. "I didn't need you there," she answers for the third or fourth time.

Kyungsoo frowns and flicks the water on his fingertips toward her before putting his plate in the rack to dry. She laughs as she ducks. He's been grumpy because he wanted to hear the baby's heartbeat and he feels that Jongin's stolen a precious moment from him. "Oh come on," she chuckles. "You can come next time."

Kyungsoo straightens up, his frown replaced with a smile. Jongin rolls her eyes fondly. "If I'd known how important it was to you, I'd have let you take me. Honestly, I didn't know they were going to listen for the heartbeat. I go into these things blind."

"Which is why you need me there," Kyungsoo replies succinctly. "Besides, if it's something to do with you, it's automatically important to me."

It's not the first time Kyungsoo's gotten sentimental on her, but this time it makes her tear up. Jongin tries to hide it behind a piece of chicken, staring down at her plate as she takes a large bite. It tastes even better now than it used to. Her belly is mostly full still, but she can't stand the thought of this chicken going to waste.

Kyungsoo steals her plate away and Jongin makes a gurgling noise around the food in her mouth, giving chase immediately. He leads her into the living room, setting the plate on the coffee table. "Sit," he orders before leaving the room.

Jongin does as she's told if only to make Kyungsoo feel better. He returns with her glass, topped off with milk, and she feels moderately spoiled. She could definitely get used to this.

"I was doing some research online," Kyungsoo begins when he sits on the opposite end of the couch. He leans over just enough to drag Jongin's feet onto his lap. The dark blue polish she'd put on last week is chipping. "Ankle swelling is a common ailment with pregnancy," he adds as his fingers begin feeling around her ankles. "Have you noticed any?"

Jongin jerks her foot a little when he finds a ticklish spot. "I think that's later on. I haven't even put on any weight yet."

He hums thoughtfully, but doesn't stop. She thinks about telling him that he doesn't have to worry, but his thumbs are pushing into the arch of her foot and it feels _amazing_. "You know I'm going to be here for you both, right?"

Jongin slides down to lay more comfortably, head cushioned on the arm of the couch. "I know," she answers with a hum, smiling. Kyungsoo is the one person in her life who has never let her down. And she knows he wouldn't even now.

"I think it'll be fun," he says. "Just think of all the birthday cakes I'll get to make."

Jongin snorts, reaching for her milk. "You make me a cake every year," she reminds him.

"Yeah, but it might look funny if I made you a three tiered princess themed cake with hot pink icing. You're an adult."

"I would love a hot pink princess cake," Jongin scoffs. "Besides, who says it's a girl? It could be a boy."

Kyungsoo tweaks Jongin's toe. "Yeah, and who says hot pink princesses can't be for boys?"

Jongin concedes the argument with an insincere roll of her eyes. Kyungsoo can bake any kind of cake he wants. It's nice to see him so excited though. He's been worrying over her for a while, and not without reason. But now that Jongin's not freaking out so often, he's mellowed out too.

Kyungsoo falls asleep first for a change. Jongin washes up her dishes and drapes a blanket over him before she leaves. He'll probably be grumpy with her for taking the public bus home so late at night instead of waking him up to drive her home or sleeping over, but Jongin has work piling up and it's waiting for her at home.

 

Yixing's birthday is always an entire day of celebration even if it falls on a work day. Chanyeol had once tried to get her to calm things down because it was _Monday for god's sake and some of us are hungover_ but she'd ignored him completely.

This birthday is no different. She's decorated the office in bright yellow and orange streamers that match the colors on her dress to perfection. Leave it to Yixing to pull off shades that wash out Jongin completely. Her orange dress is gorgeous, softly laying over Yixing's curves in all the right ways. Jongin is only mildly (re:very much) envious.

Yixing thrusts a large muffin at Jongin and guides her to her desk, leaning against the edge as she tells Jongin all about the matching set of abstract vases her parents had gotten for her. Jongin waits for Yixing to stop gushing before she pulls out the box she'd forced into her satchel to hand over. It's not the greatest wrapping job and all Jongin had on hand was Christmas wrapping paper, but Yixing fawns over it just the same.

"Jongin!" Yixing gasps when she opens her gift. "I could kiss you!"

Jongin is very pleased with her choice of present this year. She'd been lucky enough to notice how fondly Yixing stared into the window of a certain shoe store when they went out for lunch. And now Yixing is the proud owner of a pair of bright purple heels that match perfectly with about a fourth of her wardrobe.

Yixing slips them on to flounce about like a natural, earning an odd look from Chanyeol when he finally makes an appearance. His face only scrunches more when he takes in the decorations and he lets out a defeated sigh. Yixing only beams at him.

“Oh!” Yixing exclaims, snapping her fingers to get both their attention. “I have made the command decision that this office and its workers will only get their coffee - or tea, in Jongin’s case - from _Love-A-Latte_.” Jongin nearly chokes on a laugh because the place belongs to the guy she was hardcore flirting with. “We must support our clients in every way.”

“Uh huh,” Chanyeol says slowly. “And how many trips will you be taking down there in a day?”

Yixing thumps him on the arm. “Don’t try to rain on my parade.”

“If by parade you mean _flirting_ ,” Jongin adds as Chanyeol rolls his eyes and walks off with a grumbling sigh.

Yixing spins on Jongin, a gleam in her eye. “I’m going to get that man in my bed and never let him go.”

“That’s called kidnapping,” Jongin helpfully supplies.

Yixing shrugs. “Not if he’s there by choice.”

It's going to be an interesting day.

 

Jongin is a little wired on sugar after being fed cupcakes for lunch and she would absolutely go out with Yixing to celebrate her birthday if it wasn't for her steadfast desire for _sleep_. There's a little bar a few blocks away that Yixing and her friends are going to after work and Yixing had invited her, but Jongin had politely declined. Yixing didn't seem surprised and they parted ways with a hug.

It's not so bad being at home. Alone. Jongin is burrowed on her couch, finishing off a more healthy meal as the news plays in the background. She's definitely more relaxed in a ratty t-shirt and shorts, her hair pulled back from her face. There are several designs set off to the side that she'd managed to put the finishing touches on before eating a late dinner.

Jongin startles when her phone lights up, pinging with a new message. Jongin does not do the social media thing or anything that involves updates on her life. She'd never felt comfortable and figuring out confusing website layouts isn't how she wants to spend her time. The closest thing she has is the text group she's in with Yixing and Chanyeol that Yixing had added her to.

It only ever goes off when Yixing has been drinking. A tipsy Yixing is a sentimental Yixing who likes to gush over people. So really, Jongin shouldn't be surprised. She slides her phone over, swiping to read the message.

_jongin i luv u and i kno u don’t want ppl to kno but ur gon b a great mom_

Something like panic wells in Jongin's chest and she forces herself to breathe. She reads over the message again. And again. But it doesn't change. Yixing knows.

Yixing _knows_.

Tears sting her eyes and Jongin covers her mouth with her hand when she starts crying. Yixing knows and she hasn't done anything different other than take a little extra care of her. Jongin's heart squeezes as she remembers all the mornings Yixing slipped her ginger wafers or helped her with her tea. She feels like such a crappy friend, but Yixing was there the entire time even without being told.

Her phone pings again and Jongin is almost too afraid to look at it. The message is from Chanyeol and she holds her breath when she reads it.

_yes, she can come mother me tomorrow when im hungover._

Jongin barks out a laugh. Bless Chanyeol for being so unobservant.

_stay hydrated_ , Jongin shoots back, knowing the two of them probably won't be worth a damn tomorrow. At least now she can give them a hearty, "I told you so."

 

The weather is starting to get chillier and Jongin's wardrobe goes through an overhaul. It isn't specifically that she needs to be in sweaters all the time because it's not _that_ cold yet. But she'd been brushing her teeth, staring blankly at her reflection through the specks on her mirror when she noticed how filled out her stomach looked. There had been foam around her mouth, her toothbrush abandoned as she stood up straight and looked down, a hand over the bump that was definitely growing.

Sweaters provide the perfect cover for her growing baby bump. She's taken to pulling her hair up when she starts getting a little too warm, refusing to give in. It helps that some of them are large enough to slip off her shoulder and let the cool air sweep over the exposed skin, bringing relief.

She's in a lovely peach sweater today; the soft fabric is super comfortable even if it's just a tad on the warm side. Every now and then, she runs her hand underneath to fit her palm over her little bump just because she can. It means her baby is getting what it needs and it's growing. And that makes her happy.

Yixing has also kept her secret, hugging Jongin tight and telling her that things will be alright. She confessed to having figured it out not long after she'd gone to the doctor the first time. Jongin had cried and Yixing had too. But it's easier now that she knows.

It's early afternoon and Jongin's winding down from a frantic morning. They'd had a potential customer come in first thing, followed by several more ongoing accounts who needed updated sales flyers for the upcoming holiday.

Jongin is working on a little pumpkin with a toothy grin when Kyungsoo shows up, a box from his bakery in his hand. He's practically vibrating with excitement as he power walks directly to where Jongin is standing behind the front counter, a grin on his face. "I come with a gift," he announces, holding the box out for Jongin to take.

She's cautious about taking something from Kyungsoo when he looks so maniacal. She takes the box slowly, peering at the contents through the window at the top. "Oh." Jongin opens the box to pull out a cupcake, blinking to make sure she's seeing things right.

"It's a vagina!" Kyungsoo says happily, announcing the obvious.

"Why am I holding a box of vagina cupcakes?"

"I had to make several dozen for a lesbian knitting group and these are the ones left over."

"You're giving me vagina cupcake rejects."

"You don't want them?" Kyungsoo asks, his smile falling. "You haven't even tried them."

Jongin sets the box down, staring at frosting that's molded very realistically like a vagina. It's not the oddest thing that she's ever put her mouth on. She goes right for the frosting, tongue out to swipe through the middle of it.

Jongin completely misses that someone has walked in until she hears a sharp intake of air. She looks over, pulling her frosting covered tongue back into her mouth. Luhan is standing there, mouth open and eyes unblinking.

"I need a minute," Luhan gets out in a rush, just before she turns and walks out of the office.

A blush stains Jongin's cheeks and she feels oddly pleased with Luhan's reaction. Her tummy is all fluttery and she's smiling even as she eats the rest of the cupcake. It's absolutely delicious. Kyungsoo, satisfied with himself, scurries back to work because he'd snuck out during a lull and is probably needed again.

Luhan comes back in when Kyungsoo opens the door and she looks more composed than she had when she left. "I'm sorry," she says. "It's just that I had a dream very similar to that and it took me by surprise."

Jongin goes wide-eyed, licking her lips nervously, "Who was it about?"

Yixing appears from the conference room and steals Luhan before she can answer. Jongin finds herself disappointed as she eats another vagina cupcake. She was hoping for a little more time with Luhan. It's selfish, but she's far less inclined to pull away from Luhan now even if she has more reason to. It's a conundrum.

She sits at her desk, refusing to admit that she's waiting for Luhan to reappear as she works on a few more designs. Her pumpkin, which was coming along quite nicely, is set aside for a fresh sheet. Jongin thinks about how this time next year, she'll have a little person at her side. One she can put a Halloween costume on.

Before she realizes what she's doing, Jongin is staring down at several doodles of babies in alpaca costumes. She eyes them warily before balling the paper up and tossing it in the trash. It's probably better to work on what she's getting paid for. The local fresh produce stand has no need for babies in alpaca costumes on their signs even if they _are_ adorable.

Jongin ends up fishing the doodles out of the trash later and flattening the paper out as best she can. She wedges it in the back of her sketchpad for. . . _reasons_.

 

Yixing's apartment is cozy, tucked in a corner far enough away from the main streets that she doesn't have to deal with the noise of bustling traffic and irate pedestrians. Her building is old, made of brick and that gives it a more homey feel. Jongin's always loved Yixing's place. Nothing inside of it matches, and she's amassed a hodgepodge collection of unique furniture and wall decorations. But it all still seems to blend together.

Jongin sinks down on Yixing's bed, the mattress dipping so low on the edge that she feels like she's going to slide right off. In front of her, Yixing is holding up her arms as Luhan zips her into a white top that verges on too tight.

"There," Luhan says when she finishes. "Now he'll have to work for it if he wants to get you naked."

Jongin sees Yixing's resulting frown in the mirror. "I don't want him to work for it. He's _got_ it already."

Jongin fails to hide her laughter, and Luhan sighs dramatically as she helps Yixing out of the top. It had flattered her, but so had all the other outfits she'd tried on. She has a wardrobe that Jongin could pick through for days, but right now, the important part is finding the perfect outfit for her date.

She'd exchanged numbers with the guy she'd been flirting with - his name is Minseok and he opened _Love-A-Latte_ only a few months ago. They've been texting, but now they've taken it up a notch to dating. Yixing is more than ready to flirt her way right out of her carefully chosen outfit. She's only called Luhan and Jongin over to help decide on the perfect one.

Jongin is content to watch as Luhan rifles through Yixing's closet and plays dress-up. It gives her a chance to watch - probably with a grossly fond look on her face - as Luhan devotes all her talents to making Yixing look perfect. Jongin's trying not to be obvious about it, but Yixing catches Jongin's eye in the mirror and smirks knowingly. Jongin scrunches her face at her and resolutely slides off the bed and toward Yixing's walk-in closet.

Luhan ends up beside her, standing in Jongin's personal space as she scans through what's left hanging. Half of the contents are already on the bed, piled up after being vetoed. Jongin leans against Luhan a little, pretending to pay attention to the clothes and _not_ to how nice Luhan feels or how much Jongin wants to press her face to Luhan's neck and stay there.

"What about this one?" Yixing asks. They both turn around to find her in a slinky red dress that has a low drooping back. It would be very simple to take off, or even just push up if she was that impatient. It's also the first thing Yixing had put on before rethinking everything and calling for help.

Luhan sighs and slumps on Jongin, resting her head on Jongin's shoulder. "Why are we even here?" she whispers as Yixing dashes to her bathroom to check if her makeup's still perfect.

"Moral support," Jongin answers. "But I'm not hanging all that up again."

Luhan agrees, managing to squeeze her fingers between Jongin's to hold her hand. Normally, Jongin would pull away, but she doesn't have the energy to fight it. She's addicted to Luhan's touch and the way she makes her feel. It's almost as if Jongin's somewhat normal and nothing else matters.

Yixing reappears moments later, looking as stunning as ever. "Well?"

"Perfect," Luhan and Jongin say in unison.

Lucky for the both of them, Yixing shoos them out after, wanting to tidy up the place for when Minseok shows up. Jongin's seen Yixing date before, but she's never been this crazy over someone. It's adorable and she's happy for her friend.

Luhan refuses to let Jongin wait outside for a bus and insists on driving Jongin home instead. It only makes Jongin want to reach out for her more. She wishes she was free to cast worry aside and do as she wanted, but it's not just about her anymore. Jongin has so much on her plate that it would be unfair to pull Luhan into it.

It doesn't mean that she stops thinking about her though. Luhan has always had such a strong hold over Jongin even back when they'd just met. It had been so easy to fall, easy to forget herself and all the barriers she'd set up around herself to keep from being hurt. Where would they be now if Jongin hadn't run?

Standing in the shower, Jongin lets her mind wander. She's always been so cautious, tip-toeing around how she feels because it's never been important enough to name. No one, aside from Kyungsoo - along with the recent additions of Yixing and Chanyeol - have made a big enough impression in her life to earn the L word.

And yet that's the exact word that flickers through Jongin's mind when she thinks of Luhan.

_Love_.

Jongin _loves_ Luhan.

Her razor clatters to the floor mid-shave and Jongin freezes. Her throat closes as her heart attempts to climb its way up and she steadies herself with a hand on the wall as the hot water sprays down onto her.

Jongin thinks she's crying and she _knows_ she's overreacting but she's been so emotional lately that reasoning with herself isn't going to do anything. She turns off the water, grabbing her towel to wrap around herself, and leaves wet footprints down to her living room to grab her phone.

"Hey," Kyungsoo answers, some television show playing in the background.

"I'm in love with Luhan," she blurts out. Saying it aloud is almost as terrifying as thinking it and she's doing it while dripping water on her carpet.

On the other end, Kyungsoo laughs. "Well duh," he answers. "Now what are you going to do?"

That was extremely unhelpful and Jongin sinks to the floor, inadvertently wiping the shaving cream on her leg onto the carpet too. "Throw up," she whines.

"That is an unacceptable answer," Kyungsoo replies.

Jongin makes a pitiful noise. "And yet that's what I'm going to do."

"No, you're going to breathe and stop panicking. I'm coming over."

Jongin fumbles to turn off her phone, then lays on her floor, her towel falling open. Love isn't something Jongin does easily. She's too careful for that, too worried about interrupting her safe pattern of living. So realizing that she's let someone in so deep without meaning to is shocking.

She doesn't know what to do.

Everything is terrible because she's three months pregnant and head over heels, irrationally in love with Luhan who doesn't even know she's pregnant. It's not like she can _tell_ Luhan the _truth_ because Jongin's life isn't her own anymore. She has to make her decisions based on what will be best for her child. Pulling Luhan into an already confusing, life altering situation isn't fair to her. Jongin can't tell her. And it _hurts_.

She's a pathetic lump of human wreckage when Kyungsoo shows up. She opens the door, wiping at her eyes and Kyungsoo folds her in his arms. He knows how hard it's been for Jongin more than anyone. And it means everything to her that he's here now.

 

Jongin doesn't see Luhan again for a while, which makes it easier on her and her heart. She can forget, for a while at least; she can pretend that everything is as it should be even if her sweaters are growing tighter around her middle. Her child is growing and Jongin does her best to keep up. Her nausea has given way to hunger although she can't eat as much at a time as she used to.

Yixing dotes on her, passing Jongin extra snacks during the day without being asked and Jongin is always thankful. She presses her face to Yixing's hair, an arm slung around her waist in thanks and Yixing smiles, patting Jongin's bump. They're all busy with last minute orders for Christmas flyers and Jongin can't think when she's so focused on her job.

Or at least she can focus on her job until Luhan comes walking in, looking just as devastatingly gorgeous as she always does. Jongin lets out a longing sigh as Yixing rushes to intercept Luhan before she can get far. She bites the inside of her cheek, watching as Luhan rolls her eyes when she explains that Tao now wants leopard print on his cards because stripes are on their way out.

Jongin's heart does this thing where it wants to take control of Jongin's vocal cords so she can call out for Luhan to come over; she wants to tell Luhan every little thing she makes her feel - how her heart beats faster, how her stomach fills with fluttering butterflies, how her fingers ache with the desire to touch her.

Jongin ends up leaving before Luhan emerges, stealing one last look behind her. Kyungsoo is waiting for her by his car, ready to take her to her appointment. She feels like her entire body is on pins and needles, her feet tapping and hands jittery. Kyungsoo is there, helping keep her steady.

Usually she wouldn't be so nervous, but she’s going to see her baby for the first time today.

The nerves only get worse when she's lying on the table, gripping Kyungsoo's hand tight enough to turn his fingers white. But she can't let go. Baekhyun is thorough, telling her to brace for the coldness of the gel and pushing firm against her belly. It's a little weird now how much it stands out when she's lying flat.

She chokes up at the first image, the following ones blurring as she cries. She has a perfectly healthy baby according to Baekhyun. "Would you like to know the gender?"

Jongin's nodding before the question is fully asked and Baekhyun is smiling, nudging the baby bump around to find the right spot. It feels odd. She hasn't really felt the baby moving before, but she does now. It's amazing.

"It's a boy."

Jongin cries harder, clutching at Kyungsoo as he cries with her. She's going to have a little boy and he's going to be the most loved baby in the world. She promises him that, cradling her belly even after Kyungsoo's taken her home.

He's cooking in her pitiful kitchen, grumbling about the lack of proper pots and Jongin is sitting on her couch, knees to her chest and a hand pressed between to cushion her bump. She's going to have to think of a name.

She wonders how much of herself there will be in him. Jongin smiles, resting her forehead on her knees as she stares down at her belly. "My precious boy." Now that she knows what it feels like, she can tell when he moves and she pokes the side of her bump where the fluttering is, grinning.

 

“ _A few people_ ,” Chanyeol had said. “A small get together.”

Jongin stares at a sea of unfamiliar faces all crammed in Chanyeol’s apartment for his not-party and sighs. She understands his need for socializing and wanting to invite everyone he’s ever met in passing to his birthday _gathering_ , but it’s entirely not Jongin’s scene. She finds herself standing near a corner, fidgeting as she stares down at her navy sweater because she’s not sure if it hides her bump well enough or if she’s obvious.

Yixing had told her earlier that she was still fine, but warned Jongin that it wouldn’t be long before it was too obvious to hide. Jongin had had a momentary lapse in breathing that Yixing had helped her through. She promised to be there for Jongin when she had to bite the bullet, but that time is not tonight. Not at all.

Yixing is somewhere in the mix, attached to her date - Minseok. Jongin finally got to meet him officially and he’d made a nice first impression for all of the thirty seconds it took for introductions. Then Yixing was dragging him away. Jongin was amused at the smitten expression on his face.

Jongin doesn’t have a great vantage point from where she is, but that’s alright with her. She’s only planning on sticking around another few minutes before hunting down Chanyeol to let him know she’s leaving. She’s not looking forward to wedging herself into the crowd though and wonders if texting him from across the room would be considered rude.

“There you are!”

Jongin startles, attention pulled from her half-typed text as Luhan appears in front of her. Her hand drops, phone sliding into her pocket as she smiles at Luhan, “Hey, where else would I be?”

“Hiding at home?” Luhan suggests. “I know this isn’t your thing,” she adds, waving her hand at the crowd of people. “But I’m glad you’re here.”

Jongin tries not to seem too pleased, offering Luhan a soft smile, “I’m just glad someone I know is here. Yixing abandoned me in favor of showing off her date.”

“Ah, Minseok,” Luhan says. “Yeah, met him already. Didn’t leave much of an impression, but that’s probably because Yixing was dragging him around.”

Jongin nods knowingly, “You won’t abandon me, will you?”

Luhan steps closer, smiling and reaching to take Jongin’s hand. “Never.”

Jongin’s eyes dart to Luhan’s mouth, her tongue smoothing over her lips without thinking. She aches to lean in and kiss her and it takes So Much not to.

“Let’s move before we get smushed into the corner,” Luhan suggests. Her voice is low, but Jongin hears it perfectly over the din of the crowd. She nods and allows Luhan to tug her through Chanyeol’s guests and toward a less saturated area. Jongin keeps her attention on Luhan’s back, her other arm held protectively in front of her belly just in case.

Jongin lets Luhan lead her until a door shuts and Jongin is engulfed in darkness. They’re in the dark. In a closet. Jongin’s heart beats wildly and she backs up against the door, her free hand fumbling to find the knob.

“Wait, please,” Luhan pleads and the tone of her voice stops Jongin.

Luhan feels for Jongin’s wrists and she holds both of Jongin’s hands now. Jongin can sense her standing close, head fogging from the proximity. She can hear how loud she’s breathing and she slips down the door a little before her shoes knock against Luhan’s to keep her in place.

“I’m sorry for doing this, but it’s easier if I can’t see you looking at me,” Luhan gets out in a whispered rush.

Jongin nearly whimpers, worrying her lip in her teeth as her heart hammers in her chest and her stomach twists with nerves. This isn’t good for her health. She needs to get out of here, but _Luhan_.

“I know you were afraid,” she begins, ignoring the way Jongin gasps. “We weren’t together long, but we were so great when we were.” Luhan leans forward, her fingers slotting easily in Jongin’s to squeeze. “I tried to get over you. It’s been two _years_ and I still can’t. I just keep falling more for you and I need you to know.”

Jongin’s mouth opens, but nothing comes out. Her voice is gone, her emotions clogging her throat as she tries to speak.

“I see how you look at me. Please tell me I’m not imagining it. Please tell me I’m not fighting some one-sided love on my own.”

Jongin’s eyes flood with tears and she uses Luhan’s hold on her hands to pull Luhan closer. Luhan lets out a soft noise and Jongin follows it, too caught up in the moment to keep herself in control.

Nothing could have prepared her for the shock to her system when she kisses Luhan. Luhan’s mouth is warm and inviting, her lip fitting perfectly between Jongin’s. Luhan frees one of her hands to rest on Jongin’s cheek, sliding into her hair as she licks her way into Jongin’s mouth. Jongin could drown in Luhan’s kisses; she would willingly let herself be swept away with every touch of her lips, her hands, her body when she presses against Jongin’s front to pin her to the door.

It brings Jongin back to reality. Her baby bump is obvious between the two and it pains her when she pulls away, pushing Luhan back. “I can’t,” Jongin confesses, her voice cracking.

“Why?” Luhan demands, trying to get a stronger hold on Jongin’s arm.

Jongin tugs her arm free and fumbles for the knob, finally finding it. She feels like she’s suffocating and she just needs to get out.

"Jongin, _why_?" Luhan repeats. The desperation in her voice, knowing that Luhan is probably trying not to cry has Jongin feeling guilty and she swallows it down. " _Please_."

"I'm pregnant," Jongin blurts out. The door wedges open enough for her to slip out; the weak tug of Luhan's weight on the back of her sweater falls away and Jongin thinks she might fall. It takes a lot of will power to weave her way through all the smiling, laughing people and to the door.

Out in the hallway with the door shut behind her, the sounds of the not-party are reduced to a dull noise and Jongin's thoughts are left screaming at her. She _kissed_ Luhan. But then she pushed her away.

Everything is all twisted up. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Jongin doesn't know what she's supposed to do now. She just outed herself to Luhan after kissing her. Luhan probably hates her now.

She sits on the bus, head resting on the window and eyes trained outside, but she sees none of it. She doesn't want to be that crazy crying lady again; there's only one other person on the bus aside from her this time though, so maybe she can get away with it.

She's never handled complications well. She struggled so hard to get her life right where she wanted it to be and now it's slipping through her fingers and falling out of reach. How is she supposed to scoop it all together again?

Her baby kicks lightly and Jongin pats over the area, sighing. This isn't how it was supposed to be.

She pulls out her phone, thinking about calling Kyungsoo, and notices her half-finished text to Chanyeol. By the time she finishes the message and hits send, she's talked herself out of calling up her best friend. He's been there for her so much lately that he needs a night off from Jongin duty. She feels guilty pulling him into all of this.

The panic has lessened by the time she gets to her apartment, settling in her bones as a constant dull sensation instead of simmering under the surface of her skin. She's listless when she walks inside, toeing off her shoes. Then she sits by the door and shimmies out of her jeans - jeans that she probably won't be able to fit into next week.

She is an adult. It's about time she started handling her problems without running to someone else to help. If she's going to be a _parent_ , she needs to at least look like she knows what she's doing.

Jongin slips out of her sweater and into her favorite dingy gray tank top that used to fall loose around her. It rounds against her belly now and she gives her son another fond pat before pulling on a nice comfy pair of blue cotton pants. The elastic waist rests just under her bump unlike her jeans.

"It's just you and me kid," she tells her baby.

Jongin plucks her phone from her discarded jeans and thinks about ordering something for dinner. She hadn't eaten anything at Chanyeol's place and now that she's burning up all her energy worrying over all the mistakes that just keep piling up, she thinks she owes herself pizza. And something chocolate.

Jongin is on her way to the kitchen for the pizza place's number stuck on her refrigerator when she hears the knock on her door. She wrinkles her nose, setting her phone on the table on her way to answer it. It's probably Yixing coming to make sure she's alright.

Jongin opens the door, expecting a guilty looking Yixing, but what she gets is an apologetic Luhan who is holding a bucket of fried chicken in one hand and a bottle of sparkling grape juice in the other.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Luhan says, rocking back on her heels as if she's just waiting for Jongin to yell at her to go away.

Instead, Jongin just nods dumbly and pushes the door open enough for Luhan to come inside. Luhan scurries in, making her way right for Jongin's couch. She's rearranged the place some since the last time Luhan had visited - back when they were dating - but Luhan fixes it by dragging Jongin's coffee table back to its place in front of the couch.

Luhan's never had an issue making herself at home in someone else's place and she looks like she _belongs_ when she settles in on a purple cushion and pats the empty one beside her. Jongin can't resist, even if she's all nerves again. She doesn't have her sweater as a shield and she knows it's obvious that she's pregnant now.

Jongin can feel Luhan's eyes on her when she walks over, sitting cautiously next to Luhan as much for herself as Luhan's comfort. She picks at a thread on her pants, too afraid to look at Luhan as her stomach clenches from nerves.

"Hey," Luhan says softly, reaching out to rest her hand over Jongin's. "If you don't want to talk, we don't have to. But I'm here if you do."

"I don't even know where to start," Jongin admits, leaning back to get more comfortable. She presses the heels of her palms to her eyes to keep from crying because she's done so much of that lately. She just wants to stop.

Luhan draws her hands away, looking at Jongin with such affection that Jongin _does_ start crying. The sobs that she's been trying to keep down all evening now bubble to the surface and she lets Luhan pull her into her arms. She curls against her, holding on as Luhan pets through her hair. Jongin cries and cries and cries.

She mumbles an apology to Luhan's shirt after she lifts her head to find the entire area soaked. Luhan shakes her head, thumbs brushing under Jongin's eyes to catch the last of her tears. "Feel better?"

Jongin shrugs, letting out a soft laugh. "I don't know," she says. "But thank you. Everything's been so crazy and I can't keep up. I don't know what I'm doing."

"Well start with what you _do_ know."

Jongin stares down at where Luhan's hand is resting on her thigh and she runs her fingers over Luhan's arm and down to her wrist. "I know that I'm afraid it's too late for us," Jongin sniffles and peers up at Luhan. "I'm sorry it took me so long to realize how much I care for you."

Luhan grasps Jongin's chin and tips her head up, "If you think I'm going anywhere then you _must_ be crazy."

"But-"

"What? You think this," Luhan starts, her hand slipping carefully over Jongin's baby bump, "is going to scare me off? I'd have to be an idiot to leave the woman I love no matter what she's going through."

Jongin tries not to cry again, biting at her lower lip. "You _love_ me?" she asks, unsure if Luhan had chosen the right word.

"Jongin, I've loved you for so long."

"I'm going to get so big and my emotional baggage is going to become physical baggage."

"And I'll still be here," Luhan answers. "I'm not promising it'll be easy, but I'm not going anywhere now that I've finally got you."

Jongin is definitely crying again, but she's also grinning. Luhan pulls her in for a kiss, arms around Jongin to hold her close. It feels surreal, like Jongin's going to wake up at any moment, alone in her bed and things still left unsaid. She cups Luhan's cheek, swiping softly with her thumb until Luhan leans in to kiss her again.

"You should eat before it gets cold."

Jongin would disagree, but she knows that Luhan is right. She'd been hungry earlier and now it's worse, so she carefully untangles enough of herself to get to the food. She refuses to let go of Luhan completely and Luhan seems just fine with it.

She doesn't even complain when Jongin nods off, too tired to move.

 

Jongin wakes up in the morning in her bed, momentarily worried until she feels the weight of Luhan's arm around her waist. She rolls over, sliding a leg over Luhan's and pushing her head beneath Luhan's chin. After denying herself of Luhan for so long, she's all about enjoying the moment now. Luhan is warm and she nuzzles closer to Jongin, humming softly because Jongin's managed to wake her up.

Sunlight spills through the curtains and Jongin knows she should probably get up because she has a very pressing bladder problem, but she doesn't want to move. Somehow it feels that if she leaves the safety of Luhan's arms, it will all disappear - _Luhan_ will disappear. Nothing in Jongin's life has ever been this easy.

"Morning," Luhan mumbles.

A soft noise escapes Jongin as she winds her arm around Luhan's chest, fingers skating along the ridges of Luhan's spine over her shirt. Jongin's grinning when she tilts her head up to see Luhan smiling down at her. Luhan sweeps the hair from Jongin's face and leaves a kiss on her forehead. Jongin barely suppresses a squeal of excitement, her toes curling in the blankets instead.

There are any number of things that could go wrong; Jongin's not naive enough to think that she's somehow magically attained Happily Ever After, but this is a nice start. Her entire life is about to go through a much needed overhaul because of her baby, and this is the right time to add someone into it. She knows Luhan's dependable and that she'll be around to help because that's who she is. Jongin just doesn't think she deserves it after all this.

She gently peels herself out of Luhan's arms as Luhan frowns, trying to pull her back. Jongin laughs, nearly toppling onto the mattress, but she easily escapes Luhan's grip, promising that she's only going to the bathroom.

One look in the mirror tells Jongin that she's a mess. Her eyes are still red and puffy from the night before and her hair is a tangled disaster. She grimaces as she runs a brush through it while reaching for her toothbrush. There's no way she's leaving the bathroom until she's presentable. The last thing she needs is to scare Luhan away with her morning breath.

It's been a long time since Jongin's played host to someone who isn't Kyungsoo and she winds up tip-toeing her way into the kitchen so make sure she has food. Luhan is still in bed, sprawled out with her eyes closed and her mouth open. Jongin took a moment to coo over the sight before leaving her there to sleep.

When she opens her refrigerator, she makes a mental note to thank Kyungsoo for keeping it so well stocked with food that she can pull out for guests. Jongin only ever food shops for herself and Kyungsoo rags on her personal tastes all the time. She's been eating better for the baby, but mostly because Kyungsoo cooks for her all the time now.

Eggs are easy. Something simple that doesn't take long. Her stomach is gurgling already and she rubs it gently as she cracks open the first few eggs, scrambling them in the pan. As much as she'd enjoy crawling back in bed with Luhan, her precious little peanut comes first and he's hungry.

The eggs are just beginning to cook through when Jongin hears shuffling. She doesn't turn around, scraping the spatula along the bottom so nothing burns when Luhan's chest presses against her back. There's an arm around Jongin's waist, just above her bump, and Luhan rests her chin on Jongin's shoulder.

"Thought you were coming back to snuggle," Luhan pouts.

Jongin leans on Luhan as she cooks, content. Luhan watches, swaying a little as she wakes up. "Hey," she whispers, nose poking at Jongin's cheek. Her breath smells like Jongin's mouthwash. "I know I can be intense sometimes, especially when it comes to finally getting something I've been wanting for so long. So just tell me if it's too much and I'll back off, okay? We'll go at your pace."

The spatula clatters to the stove-top as Jongin turns, throwing her arms around Luhan's neck. She kisses her, pulling her as close as she can and grinning when Luhan kisses her back.

The eggs inevitably burn to the bottom of the pan and Luhan sits Jongin down and takes over. Jongin is content to watch, wondering how she'd earned such an incredible woman.

Their weekend is spent catching up, with Luhan sliding her fingers through Jongin’s hair and telling her all about Tao being a pain in the ass because he’s such a perfectionist. And Jongin gets to curl against Luhan, stealing kisses between sentences as she spills her worries. They don’t go out. Luhan settles in like she belongs and Jongin feels a bit of peace.

 

Leave it to Yixing to deck the office in exorbitant amounts of tinsel and festive lights to celebrate the upcoming holiday season. It's definitely cold enough outside to _feel_ like Christmas is right around the corner and now Jongin's reminded of it when she steps inside the office. She's going to have nearly an entire month to get used to it before it all comes down.

Unless Chanyeol has his way.

He’s a cheerful guy, but he’s not into turning and finding tinsel in his face because he’s so much taller than Yixing and she hadn’t used more than a stepladder to put most of it up. Jongin heard him complaining that it looked like a rave nightmare earlier because Yixing had finally plugged in all the lights. And they blink. Out of sync with each other. Jongin kinda likes it.

She might be biased because Luhan walks in and the lights bathe her in these pretty colors that shine in her hair and sparkle in her eyes and Jongin is so very much head over heels that it’s ridiculous. “Hey Tao,” she says in passing, distracted because Luhan looks exceptionally kissable today in her cream sweater and coffee colored skinny jeans.

Something warm bubbles in Jongin’s chest when Luhan kisses her openly in front of everyone, the weight of Luhan’s arm settling around her to bring her in. “Hey,” Jongin murmurs against Luhan’s lips, unable to stop smiling.

“Good morning,” Luhan laughs, bumping the tip of her nose against Jongin’s. “I brought you breakfast.”

Jongin’s already eaten, but that’s not going to stop her from snacking during the day on the fantastic smelling croissants Luhan brought her. They’ll go great with the peppermint tea Yixing handed her this morning. Jongin had let an actual peppermint candy dissolve in it before drinking it and it was incredible.

Jongin tugs Luhan over to her desk where the food is set down so Luhan’s hands are free to run up Jongin’s sides over her violently purple sweater.

“Why is there mistletoe on _every_ doorframe?” Chanyeol booms, eyeing the dangling plant warily as he decides against walking under it to get into the conference room.

Yixing grins, bouncing on her toes. “To help people like you,” she answers matter-of-factly.

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean,” he gripes, turning to the side so he can skirt the mistletoe. Tao is very disappointed because he’d been poised to dart over in the off chance that Chanyeol had failed. He looks very put out and Yixing suggests that he stands under it instead, and hopes that Chanyeol gets the message.

“We had a photoshoot this morning,” Luhan says, her voice low, fingers sliding down Jongin’s cheek to tuck a few rogue strands of her hair behind her ear. “But now we’re free to do lunch.”

Jongin’s stomach twists, but she nods. She knows she probably looks ill, but that’s because they’d talked over the weekend; Jongin had decided it was time to tell everyone about her pregnancy and what better way to do it than when they’re all in one place so she only has to do it once. Luhan had promised to be by her side the entire time. She’d talked to Jongin about being belligerent over changing her lifestyle, but it was time. Jongin hadn’t necessarily been pleased to hear it, but she knew it was true.

She rubs over hand over her belly, humming lightly because her son is active this morning. He seems to have enjoyed the tea too and is behaving like a hyperactive little peanut. It makes her happy even if it can be distracting.

Luhan is subtle about placing her hand over where the baby is kicking. That’s pretty distracting too and Jongin is in a daze, off in her own world until Yixing is pulling Luhan away to go over Tao’s newest nitpicking over not wanting his holiday party invites to look Christmasy, but also look Christmasy. It’s mind boggling and Luhan rolls her eyes fondly as they all - Luhan, Yixing, Tao and Chanyeol because he’s still in there - close themselves in the conference room.

By the time they’ve all filed out of the office, Jongin’s hand secure in Luhan’s, Tao is sighing wistfully as he walks behind the rest of them. Or more specifically, behind Chanyeol. The poor guy has it bad and Jongin feels sorry for him. She knows how that feels and she gives him an apologetic look before Luhan draws her attention again.

“You two are so gross,” Yixing comments with a smile.

Luhan sticks her tongue out at her and Jongin laughs, enjoying the calm before the storm. She’s been pushing down her nerves all morning and it won’t be long before they all spill out all over the place. She clutches Luhan’s hand a bit tighter, smile strained when the group of them pile into a booth. Naturally, Tao makes sure he gets the spot beside Chanyeol. Jongin doesn’t mind much when she gets smushed near the window because it’s her, Luhan and Yixing on one side.

Chanyeol slides out in search of a chair and Tao sighs wistfully as he walks off toward one of the unoccupied tables.

“I still don’t know what it is you see in Chanyeol,” Yixing comments.

“Legs,” Tao responds automatically.

“But he’s practically an overgrown puppy,” Jongin supplies.

“With legs for days,” Tao adds. “I want them wrapped around me.”

Jongin shudders. “I’ve watched him spend five minutes picking the wax from his ears and inspecting it,” Jongin deadpans.

Tao shrugs. “No one’s perfect. Except Chanyeol’s legs. I need the gay fairy to bash him on the head with his glittery fucking wand so I can finally get my mouth on them.”

Jongin and Yixing both make gagging noises and Chanyeol raises an eyebrow at when he returns with a chair. Yixing takes the chair and sits at the end; Luhan doesn’t move far from Jongin even after, their hands linked and sitting comfortably on Luhan’s lap. 

There's pleasant chatter all around, Jongin tuning most of it out. The waiter comes for their drink orders and they go in a circle, still sort of picking through the menu between conversations.

The nerves are starting to prickle and Jongin unintentionally squeezes Luhan's hand until Luhan is prying her fingers off and giving her a sympathetic look. She knows Jongin is afraid, but she's also assured Jongin that no one was going to look at her any differently. Rationally, Jongin knows she's right. But there's no room for rationality when Jongin feels panicky. She’d thought that by the time she was far enough along that she had to break the news, she wouldn't be so anxious about it.

She wishes Kyungsoo was here too so she'd have them both at her side.

Jongin worries her lip, letting the slow circles Luhan is rubbing over her hand with her thumb will help calm her down so she doesn't work herself up too much. Really, she's only telling two people - Tao and Chanyeol. Luhan knows. Yixing knows. It's a clear majority, so this should be easy peasy.

"You're quiet," Tao comments, reaching over to poke Jongin's hand with his wrapped straw. The waiter's just dropped off the drinks and taken their food orders, which means Jongin has to duck because Yixing is deadly accurate at blowing her straw wrapper.

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something. You and Chanyeol."

At the sound of his name, Chanyeol stops mid-sentence, attention drawn from Yixing to Jongin. "You rang?"

"There's something you and Tao should know about me," Jongin begins, breathing out a deep breath as Luhan holds leans in closer for support. "I'm going to have a baby."

Tao sits back, wide-eyed as his gaze drops to Jongin's pouched stomach under her sweater.

"With _Luhan_?" Chanyeol blurts out, clearly confused. He turns to Luhan. "What did you do to Jongin?!"

Yixing and Tao both burst into laughter as Luhan stares at Chanyeol incredulously.

"It wasn't Luhan," Jongin says, attempting to keep a straight face. "I've been pregnant for a while now. Almost five months."

"Wait," Tao starts, holding out his arm over Chanyeol's chest to shut him up. "Was it that guy from the club? The tall one that looked like he was sculpted by the Gods?"

Jongin nods.

Tao whistles low. "Damn, you're gonna have a pretty baby. There's no way this kid isn't going to be attractive when it's swimming in both your gene pools."

"It's a boy," Jongin says, feeling far more relaxed now that the initial announcement is out in the open.

Tao's eyes light up. "I've always wanted to design a series of children's clothing," he heatedly whispers.

"Oh no," Luhan groans, leaning her head on Jongin's shoulder. "This could get ugly."

Tao is already fishing a sketchpad out of his bag, tongue poking through his lips. All attempts at getting Chanyeol's attention are dropped in favor of his real passion. Chanyeol doesn't seem so confused anymore, but he keeps sweeping his eyes over Jongin's front.

"How did I not notice that?" he asks aloud.

"There's not much you _do_ notice," Yixing comments. Her comment starts a condensation flicking fight that lasts until the food arrives. Jongin finds that her appetite is revived now that she's not worried about everyone's reactions. She doesn't know what she was expecting, but Chanyeol and Tao don't act like they're planning to treat her any differently.

After they finish lunch, Chanyeol slides most of his dessert over for Jongin to eat. So maybe he will treat her a little differently, but this type of different is acceptable.

 

Some life changes are more difficult than others. Jongin learns this the hard way when she finally can’t get herself into any of her jeans anymore. She stares down at the pile laying on the floor by her feet and the tears just won’t stop flooding her eyes. She blinks and they cascade down her cheeks and she hates that she’s crying over such a stupid thing, and that just leaves her even more frustrated and she cries over that too.

Luhan finds Jongin sitting in a makeshift fort made of denim after a harrowing phone call Jongin had made where she’s sure she wasn’t enunciating enough for Luhan to even understand her. She’s so happy that Luhan doesn’t judge her emotional outburst and instead picks Jongin up and offers to take her shopping.

Luhan helps her into a dark pink dress that used to hang loose on her frame but now hugs tight across her belly. It goes down to her ankles, but the material is light, meant for summer so she makes sure to zip up her coat. She stares down at her bump, rubbing circles over the expanse as if she were soothing her son and not herself.

"I can't believe you waited so long to do this," Luhan says fondly, running her fingers through the strands of Jongin's hair to get out a few tangles. Jongin must have looked pathetic because Luhan leans forward to press a kiss to her cheek after. "It's actually impressive you've managed to make it this far."

Jongin looks forlornly at her closet, saying a silent goodbye as Luhan tugs her out of her apartment and to her car. It says a lot that Jongin doesn't even know where to shop for maternity clothes. She never bothered to look up retail outlets in her area and she feels a bit sheepish when Luhan gives her a _look_ before pulling out her phone.

They end up at a strip mall with Jongin clutching desperately to Luhan's hand as they walk into the _Pampered Pouch_ , eyes sweeping nervously over the _baby_ section of the store. Everything's so _small_. Jongin knows they're there to look at stuff for her, but it doesn't stop her from wandering to the racks of tiny onesies sorted by color.

Once Luhan realizes she doesn't have Jongin's attention, she follows, watching as Jongin's fingers brush over soft fabric and linger on some of the cuter ones. Jongin smiles at the little duck onesie that's bright yellow with a tiny tail and orange feet. Luhan plucks it from the rack and turns Jongin to the side so she can hold it up to her belly.

Luhan's tongue is poking through her teeth when she smiles, eyes crinkling and her entire face lighting up as she coos over how adorable it would look on Jongin's baby. Jongin is frozen, staring at how proud Luhan looks as she smooths her hand over the duck outfit.

Jongin cries. She doesn't mean to, but she bursts into tears as Luhan stares up at her, terrified that she's done something wrong. One of the employees who was putting up a display pauses at the scene. "It happens all the time," she hears the employee tell Luhan.

It doesn't make Jongin feel any better. She's so out of control of her emotions and it's a bit like drowning. Everything feels overwhelming, too strong and she wants off this rollercoaster.

"Hey Jongin!" Luhan calls and Jongin sniffles pathetically as she wipes at the tears on her face. She looks over to where Luhan's standing further down the aisle. She has a reindeer onesie raised for Jongin to see. There are little bells on the feet and the hat comes with antlers that flop around. Jongin hiccups out a laugh.

"He doesn't need a reindeer costume, Luhan," Jongin says through a smile. "He's going to be a spring baby."

"Okay, but _next year_!" Luhan calls, bouncing on her heels even as she puts it back.

Jongin shakes her head, her crying spell over just as quickly as it began. She pulls a small pack of tissues from her purse to dab at her nose, keeping the duck outfit with her.

The clothes for adults aren't nearly as exciting or colorful. Jongin's eyes are constantly drawn to the other side of the shop. Luhan has to snap her fingers in Jongin's face several times to get her attention, holding up several pairs of jeans. Jongin is resigned to her fate, allowing Luhan to drag her into a changing room.

It's not so bad when she gets to steal several kisses along the way.

 

"I don't understand why Kyungsoo is in the 'no' pile," Kyungsoo grumbles, plucking the paper from the discarded section and tossing it into the 'maybes'.

Jongin immediately takes it back out, balling it up for good measure and throwing it at Kyungsoo's face. "I'm not naming my son Kyungsoo. There's only enough room in my life for _one_ Kyungsoo and if I bequeath him your name, I'll have to have you killed. That's too much effort."

Kyungsoo finally stops arguing, but he doesn't look happy about it, although his frown isn't that intimidating when his face is illuminated by the lights from the Christmas tree. It's Christmas Eve and Jongin has never not spent a Christmas Eve with Kyungsoo. It's tradition; Luhan is going to be at Jongin's apartment later to spend the night, but right now it's just Jongin and Kyungsoo and little pieces of paper with potential baby names scrawled over them.

Jongin keeps fingering the one nearest to her, the scrap of paper curled on the corner from how often she runs her nail over it. "Sehun," she mumbles, saying it to see how it feels.

She imagines cooing the name at her baby, watching his eyes light up in recognition. Jongin thinks about how it would sound calling it out, sometimes yelling the name, and she chews her lip thoughtfully.

Jongin subtly swipes all the other pieces of paper to the 'no' pile and holds up the winner. It's in no way a final decision. But she's going to keep this one with her, pull it out and mull over the syllables during the days leading to her baby's debut to see if she still prefers it.

Kyungsoo cleans up the mess, grumbling under his breath. Jongin pokes at him with her toes and he takes a moment to pause in his complaining about cleaning up after her to chide her on her lack of socks. Jongin adores her Kyungsoo and she slips off the couch and onto the floor to hug him. He topples toward her from the force and she nuzzles their cheeks together.

"What are you doing?!" Kyungsoo shrieks. "You can't just plop on the floor! What if you can't get up on your own."

Jongin pulls away, raising her hand to smack her best friend on the back of his head. "I'm not _that_ big yet," she grumps. "And I'm not crippled."

"Clearly," Kyungsoo says as he rubs his head. He still keeps a careful eye on Jongin as she braces her hand on the couch to pull herself up. It _is_ getting harder to lift herself, but it's not by a lot. It's more about learning how to maneuver with an unfamiliar weight in her center. Once she gets the right momentum, she stands up without issue and smiles smugly down at Kyungsoo.

"Show off."

Jongin wiggles down on the couch again, comfy and content until Luhan texts to let her know she's on the way over. Kyungsoo loads Jongin up on cookies and candy canes to put in her peppermint tea, and makes her promise to call if she needs anything else. He drives her home, helps her carry everything up and kisses her on the forehead before he leaves.

Jongin's place isn't as decorated as Kyungsoo's. She has a small tree that sits on her coffee table, covered in far too much tinsel that threatens to drown out the strand of lights she'd thrown on first. A glittery pink star sits at the very top, wired on so there's no danger of it ever falling off.

That's the extent of her decorating. She's never seen a point to it when she's usually at Kyungsoo's for Christmas. Why decorate for an empty place? This is the first time someone is coming over and suddenly Jongin thinks her reliable little tree isn't going to be good enough. Luhan's the type to go crazy with decorations and Jongin doesn't want to disappoint. But she doesn't have anything else.

A knock on the door pulls Jongin from her thoughts and she tiptoes over the box full of cookies on her way to open it. Jongin _assumes_ it's Luhan behind all the bags and boxes in her arms, scurrying out of the way so Luhan can hobble inside and set them all down. Jongin's just a little intimidated.

"Hey," Luhan greets as soon as her arms are free. She slides over to Jongin, a hand resting on Jongin's neck as she kisses her softly, slowly. It's so easy to melt against her, warmth spreading from her chest and a smile spreading over her mouth when Luhan pulls away.

"What's all this?" Jongin asks, afraid of the answer but still just as curious.

Luhan beams at her, stepping over to one of the many bags. "I've always had this fantasy," she begins, reaching down to pull out a box of multi-colored Christmas lights, "of you laying underneath a Christmas tree, the lights shining in your eyes when I lean down to kiss you."

Jongin can feel the blush infusing her cheeks, heart fluttering as she imagines the scene.

"And I want to create that moment with you." There are several boxes of lights, another one with tinsel and Jongin tilts her head at the other bags. "I brought my tree and decorations to set up here in the hopes that you'll indulge me."

As if Jongin could say no.

It's been a long time since she's had to untangle lights, picking through strands to find the stray burnt out one that needs replacing. She sits cross-legged on the floor, dedicated to her task after Luhan shooed her away from trying to help put together the tree she'd hauled up from her car. It's pre-lit but Luhan is a firm believer that there can never be too many lights. Jongin isn't going to argue.

It's nice doing something so simple and fun with Luhan. Jongin hasn't had a lot of moments like this in her life. Her parents weren't festive people and she'd gleaned all she could from Kyungsoo's parents and then from Kyungsoo himself when they moved away. Now she gets her own evening of decorating and laughing and trying not to trip over her own feet as she stretches to leave a kiss on Luhan's neck.

Luhan turns on her, nudging Jongin toward the wall until she's trapped. Luhan kisses Jongin until she can't breathe, until her fingers are curled in the back of Luhan's sweater - the one that came in a matching set that she split with Jongin - because she can't get enough. Jongin fights to blink back her tears from how full her heart is.

There isn't a lot of open area in Jongin's living room for the tree - she's all about not wasting space so getting an apartment with more than she needed would have been dumb - but Luhan's tree fits just nicely against the wall. They'd slid the couch back and moved the coffee table so it was beside the couch, with Jongin's tiny tree still on top.

"Perfect," Luhan exclaims with a clap of her hands.

Jongin has to agree. The tree is taller than the both of them, covered in lights and silver tinsel and glittering ornaments that shine in the light. There's even a red tree skirt with white edging that feels just as soft as it looks. Jongin's a little in love with it all.

Jongin laughs as Luhan asks her to lay down under the tree, and Jongin jokingly asks if she should wear a bow too. Luhan had gaped at that, her cheeks going red and Jongin shook her head fondly as she cautiously took her place on the tree skirt. She feels silly, especially with the way Luhan is watching her, and her nerves are on edge.

She's about to get up and call the whole thing off, but Luhan lowers to her knees, crawling until she's between Jongin's legs. Jongin swallows, heart thudding against her ribs as she licks over her lips nervously. "Luhan?" Jongin whispers, still unsure.

Luhan stares down at Jongin, her hair falling in a curtain that catches the reds and greens and blues of the lights beside them. She trails her fingers down Jongin's cheek and to her neck. Jongin breathes a little heavier, tentatively reaching up to rest her hands on Luhan's waist. Luhan encourages her, nudging the tips of their noses together with a smile.

"I love you, Jongin," she says softly.

Jongin inhales, eyes wide. Luhan kisses her then, just a quick press of lips before she's drawing back. Jongin raises her head to chase Luhan's mouth, wanting so much more. Luhan gives it to her, tilting her head to kiss Jongin deeper, harder.

Jongin slides her hand up to Luhan's hair, fingers slipping through the strands. She can't control the way she heats up from the inside, lips parting with a low moan. Luhan is so careful with her, keeping her weight off Jongin's stomach even when Jongin tries to bring her down because she wants to touch Luhan _everywhere_.

Her head is buzzing, heart racing, and Jongin doesn't want this to stop. It's only been a month since they started dating again - if spending every available minute outside of work can be counted as dating - but Jongin wants to jump in head first, consequences be damned. She deprived herself of this, of Luhan, for too long and there's so much time to make up for.

"Thank you," Luhan breathes when they part.

Jongin's panting, licking over her tingling lips as she stares up at Luhan, enraptured. "For what?"

"For this," Luhan says. "For letting me be with you."

Jongin makes a truly valiant effort not to cry, but she loses. She can't even put into words how much Luhan means to her, how much she adores every single thing about her and how she makes her feel, and she wishes she could. Jongin hadn't even realized she was missing this in her life until now.

She's been self-sufficient for so long, but with everything changing, it's time for her to finally accept things and ride the waves instead of fight them. Luhan helps with that. When Jongin starts to panic because she can't run through her routine, Luhan's voice is enough to calm her until Jongin can figure out something else to do instead. Baby steps.

The two of them finally make it off the floor, Jongin accepting Luhan's help up only because her knees feel like jelly. There's still Kyungsoo's cookies to put away and Luhan peeks curiously inside each of the smaller containers from _The Naked Baker_ to see what kinds of cookies there are before stacking them on the kitchen counter.

Jongin watches on, resting on the edge of the counter because there's only so much space in her kitchen and Luhan told her to let her handle it. Jongin feels spoiled and it's weird. Only Kyungsoo has ever been so indulgent and it makes her feel like she's taking advantage even if Luhan gives her little choice.

Jongin's also afraid that she's monopolizing Luhan's time and she doesn't want to stand in the way of Luhan being somewhere else. She doesn't want to be a burden. When Jongin voices her worry aloud, Luhan drops the bag in her hand and rushes over.

"Baby, I'm right where I want to be." And she kisses any further protests from Jongin's lips.

They make hot chocolate topped with marshmallows and curl up on the couch with the television on. Christmas movies are on nearly every channel and they leave one on just as background noise. Luhan is much more interested in talking with Jongin, and occasionally stealing chocolate flavored kisses. Jongin charges one marshmallow per kiss and leaves Luhan pouting when there are no more marshmallows left.

Jongin takes pity on her and sets her mug aside to slide in Luhan's lap, her hands clasped behind Luhan's neck. "Only because you look so ugly when you frown," Jongin quips before leaning down to kiss her.

Luhan huffs, but doesn't protest, easily falling back with Jongin in her arms.

 

Sometimes it's overwhelming, but Jongin doesn't want to admit it. She takes those little moments for herself, a hand splayed on her belly as she stands in her shower, the door locked so Luhan can't come walking in. Knowing that someone is physically there for her all the time is reassuring and a safety net that Jongin had never thought she'd have and yet it scares her.

As much as she wants to finally open herself up completely to Luhan, to start a life with her and let her be there to help her when she has her son, a part of her still wants to pull away. There are so many risks that come with such a drastic change in her life.

She tries to focus on the little things, like grabbing Luhan no matter where they are or what they're doing to hold her hand over where her baby is kicking, or sharing a milkshake over waffles for dinner, or reaching out to touch Luhan with the knowledge that it's there. Even when she's starting to feel panicked, closed in with no way to breathe, she _knows_ that Luhan will be there and that's a faith she has in few others.

It's why Jongin tucks her insecurities away and allows herself to enjoy the moments as they come instead of worrying over an uncertain future.

It's New Year's Eve and they're all over at Kyungsoo's place to celebrate. There's good food, great conversation and champagne that Luhan passes on because Jongin can't drink either. It doesn't stop the rest of them and Jongin finds it refreshing to witness her friends so carefree. Yixing brought Minseok with her again, unable to keep her eyes - or hands - off of him. He has this grip around her waist, fingers pressed to her side to keep her tucked close and it's sweet.

There's a countdown program on the television that none of them are paying attention to. It's getting late and normally Jongin would be in bed by now and she leans back against Luhan, content with Luhan's arms around her belly, cradling it in her palms. She has her chin hooked over Jongin's shoulder and she's smiling, talking with Chanyeol about this amazing sushi bar opening downtown as Jongin lazily starts rocking them side to side.

It's moments like this, with all her friends around her chattering happily about their lives, that make Jongin's heart sing. If only she could bottle the moments to keep with her everywhere she went.

When it gets close to midnight, they all crowd around the television, chiming in when it starts counting down from 20. Luhan is still behind her, voice echoing in Jongin's ear and Jongin turns her head to kiss her at the stroke of midnight. There's cheering all around them and outside somewhere, there are people setting off fireworks.

Jongin smiles, letting Luhan turn her in her arms.

"This new year, I resolve to make you the happiest woman alive," Luhan declares, swooping in for another kiss.

Jongin ends up a blubbering mess, pressing wet kisses to Luhan's face until Yixing starts making cooing noises at the two of them while taking pictures on her phone. Jongin sticks her tongue out at Yixing as Luhan laughs.

Kyungsoo swoops in for the rescue, pulling Jongin into a hug and then telling her to go home before she curls up on his carpet to go to sleep. She tries to protest, but she really is tired and Luhan is all too willing to escort her.

Jongin is easy to guide, running on reserves as Luhan drives her home, helping her up to her apartment and into bed. She's even nice enough to aid Jongin in wriggling out of her clothes. If she were any more awake, Jongin would be embarrassed at the stretch marks beginning to spiderweb across her stomach, but she's too tired to think.

She blinks lazily up at Luhan, sighing as Luhan kisses her. She tastes sweet and Jongin pulls her in for more. Luhan parts Jongin's lips with her tongue, delving into her mouth as Jongin groans, a leg hooking around Luhan's thigh to keep her there. Fatigue gives way to wandering hands, Jongin's palms running underneath Luhan's shirt to stroke over her skin. Luhan shudders, pulling away; the moonlight spills through the curtains to shine over her features and Jongin aches.

"You're tired. Sleep."

Luhan tries to slip away, but Jongin whines, keeping her arms and leg around her. Luhan's kiss, however innocent, has started a fire in Jongin that she wants to put out. It's been months since she's been turned on enough to do something about it, but it runs through her now and she bites at her lip, afraid that Luhan won't want it - won't want _her_.

Luhan ducks her head, lips brushing over the shell of Jongin's ear when she speaks. "Do you want me to help you sleep?"

Her hands are wandering low, gripping Jongin's hips as her thigh slots between Jongin's legs, pushing upward. Jongin gasps, head tipping back. "Yes," she whimpers.

Luhan is still gentle and patient, even as Jongin softly asks her for more, hesitant because she doesn’t want Luhan to give more than she wants to give. Her fingernails dig into Luhan’s skin, Jongin letting out a gasp when Luhan slips her hand straight down the front of Jongin’s panties.

Jongin can hardly breathe, rocking her hips down as Luhan’s fingers run over her arousal, dipping teasingly into her. She whines low before moaning louder and Luhan makes a noise of her own as she kisses Jongin quiet. Jongin runs her hands up, unsure as she cups Luhan’s breasts over her bra. Her touch becomes more confident when Luhan moans, shifting to give Jongin the space to continue. She flicks her thumbs over Luhan’s nipples through the lacy material before pushing the cups up and out of the way.

They’ve never gotten this far before; even when they were dating the first time, Luhan would pull back, telling Jongin she didn’t want to rush in and ruin everything. Jongin doesn’t know what Luhan likes and doesn’t like, and she’s afraid to do something that might kill the mood. She keeps her hand on Luhan’s breast, the other one free to slide through Luhan’s hair, to keep her close.

Luhan doesn’t stop kissing her, working her fingers into Jongin quicker as Jongin tries to push into it. Her knees bend, heels digging into the mattress as her thighs tremble. It doesn’t take very much for Luhan to shove her over that edge; Jongin feels it in every nerve, eyes rolling back and breath stolen as she goes rigid. Luhan is there through it all, whispering sweet words in her ear as she crashes.

Jongin lays there, catching her breath as Luhan sits up, pulling out of her grasp. “Wait,” she croaks, her throat dry. She doesn’t want Luhan to leave unsatisfied, but Luhan shakes her head.

“Sleep,” Luhan urges. “I’ll be right back.”

Jongin’s arms fall to the mattress and she watches as Luhan disappears into the bathroom. Her eyes begin closing against her will, her mind fuzzy and tired. She’s still on her back when Luhan emerges, running a damp towel between Jongin’s legs before crawling into bed beside her.

Jongin’s always been a tummy sleeper. She starts on her side, but she always has to roll onto her stomach before she can fall asleep. With her belly too large to sleep on now, she’s learning how to get comfortable in other ways. Luhan presses against her from behind, a solid presence with her palm on Jongin’s belly. Jongin fits a pillow between her legs to ease the inevitable ache in her hips that she deals with each morning, and leans as far on her side as she can.

It never fails that her baby wakes right when she stills; she’d asked Baekhyun about it before and she’d explained that it’s soothing when she’s moving around and puts the baby to sleep, but stopping will wake him up. Jongin wiggles back against Luhan who brushes the hair from Jongin’s neck to leave a kiss.

Jongin falls asleep to her son kicking at Luhan’s hand, knowing that Luhan will be there in the morning.

 

January always starts off with the incoming Valentine’s Day rush. All the local businesses want to have a sale or a special or even just cute banners to hang in their windows to promote the holiday. Jongin’s always nurtured a fond spot in her heart for the romantic day, going heavy on the pinks and reds and purples in her designs to stay in the spirit. She gets to create images of love and romance and even when she was single, Valentine’s Day still made her happy.

There are, however, some orders that do take precedence and stand above all others. Like the one she’s currently working on.

“This is quite possibly the oddest thing I’ve ever done,” Jongin remarks as she gives her sheet of concept drawings a good once over. She chews the side of her cheek, head tilted as she twirls a lock of her fallen hair. Yixing comes up behind Jongin, letting out a soft cooing noise at the drawings.

One of their customers is an adult toy store called _Sultry Solutions_. They’re doing a special for Valentine’s Day which is why Jongin has been drawing costumed penises for the last few hours. She’s drawn faces on the penises to go along with their outfits.

“Look at the witch,” Yixing says in delight. “There’s sparkles coming out the tip!”

Chanyeol drops the file he’d been looking over by the front counter to take a peek. He doesn’t seem as endeared as Yixing; in fact, he looks rather worried. “Are these actual penis costumes they’re advertising or . . . “

“Why?” Yixing asks, eyebrows arched and her stare now fixated on the front of Chanyeol’s jeans. “Does your dick require a tiny fireman’s helmet?”

Chanyeol makes a wounded noise, choosing to scurry off before Yixing takes anymore cracks at his dick.

It's the amusing, more light-hearted ideas that give Jongin life. The owner of the shop had given her the pictures of some of the costumes she wanted the penises to wear. There's the witch and the fireman, along with a cat, a generic princess complete with tiara, and a superhero in a blue suit and red cape. All in all, it's quite the adorable bunch of penises and she's very proud of them. It might even be worth signing up to be on their emailing list so she gets to see the final designs at work.

"So," Yixing begins, and Jongin decidedly doesn't like the tone of her voice, "whose dick did you base these on?"

Jongin elbows Yixing away, a blush threatening to overtake her face as she stares down at her sheet. They're average penises. She didn't _base_ them on anyone.

The sleeves of Jongin's sweater slide down over her hands when she stands, stretching out her back because sitting for prolonged periods of time isn't a good idea anymore. She tries to keep moving as her baby grows bigger. He's a lot more active during the day now, especially after she eats. Which is often. She can't eat as much as she used to at once, so she snacks a _lot_ and everyone around her seems to glean enjoyment from feeding her.

It also leads to Jongin religiously applying lotion over the stretched skin of her belly - or rather, _Luhan_ sitting on Jongin's thighs, her hands soothing and soft as she carefully rubs the lotion on while they talk about their days.

Ever since Christmas, Luhan hasn't really left Jongin's apartment; more of her stuff ends up mixed in with Jongin's until it's natural to grab Luhan's brush in the morning because Jongin prefers it, and Jongin finds herself squishing all her clothes to one side of the closet while she goes through Luhan's to pilfer another sweater. It should worry Jongin that Luhan isn't leaving, but Jongin is comforted by it and says nothing.

Luhan is there, helping Jongin adapt to having someone at her side as well as to the changes in her life that she has to make, accommodating for her size and new habits. Luhan also doesn't make Jongin feel guilty for imposing when Luhan decides she's going to accompany Jongin to her doctor's visits - holding her hand and keeping Jongin occupied with small talk when the nurses have to draw more blood.

Even if she has to rush off after Jongin's appointment, giving Jongin a steely glare when she demands that she eat something before doing anything else, Luhan makes time for her. She's _patient_ with her; Jongin's emotions sometimes pile up unexpectedly and she starts crying without knowing why, frustrated and angry until Luhan's wiping at her tears and steering her toward the couch to rest.

Pregnancy is _exhausting_.

 

One thing that Jongin's always loved is her birthday. It isn't because of gifts or sweets or anything so mundane, but because it's only separated by a day from Kyungsoo's birthday and they celebrate together. It's a tradition. Over the years, they've celebrated in different ways - vacations away from their lives, drinking at the local wine bar until they have to pile in a cab to get home, sitting on park swings as they share a small ice cream cake bought at the grocery store.

This year, the two of them are surrounded by friends, decorations and more food than even Jongin could put away over the course of the night. Luhan had slipped a glittery pink party hat on Jongin earlier and Kyungsoo is wearing a matching yellow one. They’re all crowded on Chanyeol’s two couches - Jongin, Luhan, Yixing and Minseok on one, and Chanyeol, Tao, and Kyungsoo on the other. The coffee table between the couches is home to a three-tiered cake courtesy of Kyungsoo, and a small pile of gifts.

“We all agreed not to get you anything baby related for your birthday,” Tao announces, probably to take the attention from where he’s run his finger through the icing on the cake.

Jongin freezes for a moment, staring blankly. Aside from the duck onesie she’s bought, she hasn’t really given any thought to everything she’s going to _need_ for a baby. She has _nothing_.

“Yes,” Kyungsoo affirms, smacking the back of Tao’s hand when he goes for the icing again. “That’s what the baby shower will be for.”

"Baby shower?" Jongin repeats, still thinking mostly about how she is so not prepared for any of this. She's over six months along now, which leaves less than three to get everything she needs for raising a tiny human. It's intimidating and mildly panic inducing.

"We'll get to that later," Yixing says. "But right now, this is all about you." Yixing leans her head on Jongin's shoulder. "Oh, and Kyungsoo too."

Kyungsoo waves her off in favor of using a wet wipe to clean Tao's finger, more concerned with keeping Tao from potentially getting purple icing on Chanyeol's couch.

Jongin fights to keep from tearing up. Her friends are better at taking care of her than she is at taking care of herself and she wouldn't trade it for anything. She feels like such a heel for keeping her pregnancy from them for so long, but she had to have a handle on it herself before coming out.

With the unconditional support all around her, Jongin relaxes in time to see Chanyeol shoving a silver wrapped package onto Kyungsoo's lap. He had to lean over Tao to do it and now Tao has stars in his eyes, frozen in his spot because Chanyeol is still resting against him to watch Kyungsoo carefully unwrapping his gift.

Kyungsoo is the type who goes for minimum damage to the paper, wanting to save it to reuse for later and it's a maddening habit that makes most people lose patience with him quickly. Jongin just watches, laughing when Chanyeol, in his excitement, slides halfway into Tao's lap to rip the paper as Kyungsoo lets out an anguished noise.

Beside her, Luhan is trying to muffle her laughter in Jongin's neck, pulling her closer. Jongin rests her hand on Luhan's thigh, tapping her fingers softly as she watches her friends. Even Minseok is starting to open up more, asking Tao why it doesn't look like he's breathing as Chanyeol uses him as a perch. The man is truly clueless.

It's a wonderful night, full of bright smiles and precious memories that Jongin tucks away to keep with her forever. With the cake gone - strawberry because Jongin's been craving it - and the presents all opened, Jongin is up on her feet with everyone else. There's music on and Luhan is prancing Jongin around in a dance that doesn't match the beat. It's a little difficult because of her belly, but Luhan works around it.

Jongin laughs when Luhan dips her, head tipped back and all the worries on her shoulders forgotten. Luhan is grinning at her, teasing Jongin with spinning her out even as Jongin protests, her arms locked around Luhan to stay put. Luhan uses the hold to her advantage, humming as she draws Jongin in for a kiss.

"I have a present for you back home," Luhan whispers.

A shiver runs down Jongin's spine and her fingers dig into Luhan's back. "You already got me something," she reminds Luhan, nodding toward the coffee table where she has a few fresh sketchbooks tied up in ribbons that Luhan had declared to be non-work use only.

Luhan clucks her tongue. "I had to get you something to give in front of the others. My other gift isn't public friendly."

Jongin lets out a soft groan, letting Luhan kiss her again. They'd had that one night over New Years when Luhan had taken care of her, but that boundary hasn't been crossed since. Jongin is so ready to jump forward, to have Luhan spread beneath her as she returns the favor. She whines as Luhan's tongue swipes over hers, fingers running up to curl in Luhan's hair.

Someone off to the side lets out a low whistle.

"The only action allowed in this house is action that involves _me_ ," Chanyeol announces.

Jongin pulls away, a little embarrassed, but Luhan is just as shameless as always. She threads her fingers in Jongin's, a promising look on her face as she bites her lip. "We have another party to get to," Luhan tells everyone and Jongin's eyes grow wide.

She's too tongue-tied to say anything, letting Luhan wrap her up in her coat and scarf before pushing her out the door. Jongin's gifts are left behind, along with the leftover cake she was going to bring home, but Luhan is insistent. And if Jongin's honest with herself, she's reeling from anticipation too.

Home means Jongin's tiny apartment and that fills Jongin's chest with a heavy warmth that feels _right_. She's still a bit dazed, tugging off her coat and scarf as Luhan chirps for her to wait in the bedroom and she'll be right out.

Jongin pulls at the hem of her sweater before sitting on the edge of her bed, her bare feet tapping on the floor. She's nervous and excited and impatient, fingers gripping her comforter as she chews her lip.

Luhan looks good in everything; she could put on a burlap sack and it would make the sack look better. But sometimes she looks untouchable, her natural beauty outshining everything else. This is one of those times.

It’s still mostly dark in the bedroom; when Luhan opens the bathroom door, the light spills out behind her. There’s a coy smile on her pink lips and her hair is draped over one shoulder. Jongin swallows, her eyes drinking in the vision of Luhan before her.

Jongin’s going to assume that Luhan’s gift is the sheer lacy lingerie that’s molded to her curves, purple designs that span across her chest and down her stomach to showcase a pair of matching panties. They’re just as see-through and Jongin whimpers. It gets worse when her gaze falls further to see the expanse of Luhan’s flawless thighs only interrupted by the smooth line of the purple thigh highs she’s wearing.

“I got you one just like this,” Luhan purrs, walking slowly to where Jongin is still clutching the mattress. “For later.”

Luhan stands in front of Jongin and Jongin stares up at her in awe. She leans forward, arms circling Luhan’s waist to pull her in. “Does this mean I can unwrap you?” Jongin asks, pushing her nose to Luhan’s stomach to leave a kiss on the fabric.

Luhan’s breath hitches and her fingers curl in Jongin’s hair. “Please.”

 

Baby stores are terrifying. The one she'd been in that catered to maternity clothing with only a small selection of newborn sized clothes has nothing on this place. She can't believe she let Tao wrangle her here, letting him coax her into thoughts of a peaceful afternoon when he innocently suggested taking her out shopping. There's an electronic reader in her hand after Tao registered her for a baby shower and she's supposed to scan everything she wants so her friends know what to get for her. But what does she want? What does she _need_?

Jongin chews at her thumb nail, staring helplessly at the offering of baby furniture spread before her. What kind of mother is she going to be? Does she need a crib _and_ a bassinet? And if she goes for the bassinet, will she want one where the side pulls away to rest on the bed? She supposes it depends on if she's going to be breast or bottle feeding - options she hasn't even thought about yet.

She stares down at her breasts and how full they are now. She'd had an average c cup before she got pregnant, but now they're spilling out of the d cup bras she'd picked up only a couple weeks ago.

Jongin sighs, head tilting as she figures there's no harm in picking out both a bassinet and a crib because the kid is bound to outgrow the bassinet and then she'll need a crib anyway. There are so many to choose from and Jongin is intimidated. Tao keeps going on about functionality being important, but that's no reason to skimp on aesthetics. He turns his nose up at a lot of the designs and Jongin follows his judgement if for no other reason than because he _sounds_ like he knows what he's talking about.

Tao stops her flat when she wanders toward the baby clothing. "I don't think so," he says, a hand on Jongin's arm. He has this permanent look of disgust on his face as his eyes rake over the selection. Jongin folllows his gaze, but doesn't see anything wrong with it.

"Why?"

"Your baby will wear polyester over my dead, chopped up into little pieces and cremated body because I _will_ come back from the grave to fix that travesty.”

"I don't think they use polyester for newborn clothes?" Jongin tries to reason, more than a little amused.

"It doesn't matter anyway. I'll be designing and making all the clothes our boy will ever need."

Jongin does a double take. " _Our_ boy?"

"What? I have tons of experience with babies. I'll be the cool uncle while Kyungsoo is the stick in the mud. It's perfect. And I'll take care of all his fashion needs."

Tao walks off to the nearest rack of newborn sized outfits, picking one from the rack. It's adorable. Jongin smiles and scurries over to see the soft green onesie with little teddy bears all over it. There are even bear ears on the feet.

"This is what I'm talking about," Tao declares. He slips two fingers into the small bear head shaped pocket. "What baby needs pockets?" He points at another outfit. "And velcro should be banned on clothing, period. I can't in good conscience allow this."

Jongin sighs, a hand on her hip as she stares at her friend. "Tao, you are an amazing designer, but I don't think baby clothes are your forte."

Tao scoffs. "They're just little people. I'll just have to take out some of the detail -"

"My son is too young for pastel grunge," she comments dryly, knowing exactly where Tao is going with all this.

"No one is too young for pastel grunge."

"He's not born yet!"

"I'll start him off easy," Tao explains, tossing an arm over Jongin's shoulder to not so subtly lead her away from the baby clothing section. "One does not simply dive into pastel grunge. I think some patterns might be a better way to begin. How do you feel about leopard print?"

Jongin loves Tao - she really does. But sometimes she could strangle him. With love.

 

"You're okay with this, right?"

Jongin peers over at Luhan who is sitting cross-legged on the floor, blond hair pulled into a high ponytail as she stretches her arms over her head. She'd been exercising in the minimal floor space between Jongin's couch and television, the coffee table still pushed away since they rearranged over Christmas.

Jongin hums softly. "With what?"

"Me." Luhan lifts onto her knees and scoots over to Jongin, propping her head on the couch cushion. Her face is close to Jongin's now since Jongin had been thinking about napping, but only managed to lay down and stay awake to watch how pretty Luhan looked in her yoga pants. "You promised me you'd tell me if I ever moved too fast with us," she begins. There's sweat beading along her forehead and Jongin reaches out to wipe it away absentmindedly. "I've practically moved in with you and you haven't said anything about it."

"That's because I want you here," Jongin answers. "If I didn't, I would have said so."

"I've been thinking about that," Luhan says, stealing Jongin's hand and slotting their fingers together. "And since me unofficially moving in was alright with you, what would you say about _officially_ moving in with _me_."

Jongin's forehead wrinkles, eyebrows drawn together in confusion. "Why?"

"Because your place is nice and if it was just the two of us, it would do just fine. But where are we going to put a crib? Your bed takes up most of the bedroom and I'm always worried that you're going to trip and fall over that chair you use as a dresser."

Jongin pouts. "It hurts my back to fold laundry," she grumbles as a pathetic excuse. "And you hog all the closet space."

"I have a walk-in closet," Luhan reminds her. "And an extra room with _Sehun's_ name waiting to go on it."

Jongin's eyes widen. Luhan had said the name. She’d said _his_ name and it sounds wonderful. It's so overwhelming that she cries.

Luhan squirms her way onto the couch, careful of Jongin's belly and tucks her head under Jongin's chin, a soothing hand running up and down her back. She's so very not in control of her emotions and Jongin cries more because Luhan is sweet and nice and perfect, especially when she needs her the most.

Jongin calms herself down, eyes aching and puffy. She sniffles, nudging her nose at the top of Luhan's head. "Moving in sounds nice," she mumbles.

Luhan shifts to peer up at her, beaming that thousand watt smile that has Jongin's heart stuttering in her chest. She doesn't say anything. Luhan just kisses her over and over, all over her lips and her face before half-falling off the couch so she can lift Jongin's - originally Luhan's - sweater and leave a kiss there too.

Jongin wiggles, self conscious because her belly button is starting to pop out, but Luhan doesn't mind. She stays down there, tapping on Jongin's baby bump and talking about how much Sehun is going to love it in her apartment because he'll have all the space he needs and his mother will be safe from knocking her little toes into chairs on the way to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

Jongin only gripes about her lost center of gravity hampering her nightly navigational skills a _little bit_.

 

Along with her baby - _Sehun_ , she muses happily - growing, also comes the awkward positions Jongin finds herself in just to get comfortable. No one ever said anything about little feet trying to wedge underneath her ribs or the random kick to her bladder that has her clenching so she doesn't end up peeing on herself. It's embarrassing.

But there are also the moments where he's so active, not even Jongin's sweaters can hide the movement. Yixing scrambles over when it happens at work, both her hands on Jongin's belly as he full body rolls from one side of her uterus to the other. The first time it happened, Jongin had freaked out; it's not a sight she was prepared for. Her entire belly had shifted, distorted and wiggling until he stilled. Now she just stops moving when it starts, hoping none of her vital organs take a hit on the way.

It's an adventure and Jongin's learning the rules step by step.

Everything is topsy-turvy, even her body clock which doesn't help when she still has a work schedule to follow regardless of how much Sehun wants to play overnight or how many times she has to get up to pee, stubbing her toe more often than she wants to admit to Luhan.

On top of it all, Jongin's still trying to be of some use. Her lease isn't up for another two months, but she's already started trying to organize all her stuff to make it easier to pack. Luhan, however, keeps stepping in to take over, leaving Jongin feeling useless even if she knows that's not what Luhan intends.

It's difficult building a relationship when Jongin isn't herself. Rationally, she knows that she's getting upset or emotional for no reason, but that doesn't stop her from doing it. It's not all sunshine and rainbows when she gets snappy out of nowhere, surprising both herself and Luhan.

Jongin finds herself locked in her bathroom a lot, sitting on the toilet lid with her face buried in her hands as she attempts to calm herself down. She's terrified that she's going to chase Luhan away because of it. They both knew - she made _sure_ Luhan knew - that she wasn't going to be herself sometimes; but is that enough? How is she supposed to keep a hold on Luhan when she can't even keep a grip on herself?

"I've known you for years, Jongin," Luhan begins softly, her arms curling around Jongin from behind. She rests her chin on Jongin's shoulder after leaving a kiss. "It's going to take more than a hormone induced tantrum to chase me away."

The reassurance is appreciated, but that doesn't make Jongin feel any better about it. She's always been so hesitant around Luhan and sometimes she has to remind herself that she's allowed to touch and to push her way into Luhan's personal space. Jongin was a cuddler before she was pregnant, but she's ten times worse now. She thinks Luhan enjoys it, unless it's Kyungsoo Jongin is tangled up on the couch with and then Luhan just pouts.

Luhan also starts taking showers with Jongin in the evenings. Jongin had been complaining that she couldn't see anything below her belly and lifting her legs to shave was uncomfortable, so now Luhan does it for her. It was embarrassing the first time, but now Jongin soaks up the attention, luxuriating under the warm water as Luhan's fingers slide over her skin. She's never been pampered so much.

It also helps her to relax when she can crawl right into bed, lethargic and clingy. She gets to pull Luhan in with her. These moments become the ones Jongin looks forward to the most. After long days of being on her feet and dealing with a gymnast growing inside her, being able to languish in the comforts of bed with Luhan is an absolute joy.

Sometimes Jongin musters the energy to have Luhan gasping, moaning out her name with her spine arched off the bed and her body quivering around Jongin's mouth, her fingers. Other times, Jongin is simply too exhausted, but it doesn't stop Luhan from sliding her hand down and slowly working Jongin to the top, holding her close as she crashes back down.

Jongin doesn't always tell Luhan she loves her, but she enjoys showing it with aggressive snuggling and kiss attacks.

 

Just when Jongin thinks she's getting a handle on things, something always happens to remind her that she's still unprepared. She thinks she might be in shock. She's sitting on the floor in the backroom at work, tucked against the furthest wall. Her eyes are fixated downward, staring at where her hands are cupped over her breasts.

"Jongin!" Chanyeol calls from outside the room. He sounds worried, but she can't find her voice to answer. He yells again, this time popping his head through the doorway to see where she's hiding. "Oh thank goodness, are you alright?"

Jongin blinks up at Chanyeol, a distressed look on her face. "My boobs are leaking," she cries. She pulls her hands away to showcase the two large circles that have darkened her shirt around her nipples.

Chanyeol freezes with his mouth open, like a deer in headlights before he bolts from the room. "Yixing!" he hollers. "Jongin needs a woman!"

Yixing huddles down on the floor with Jongin the moment she sees her, arms secure and protective around Jongin's shoulders. She lets Jongin calm down, sniffling as she stops crying. It's embarrassing that the shock of suddenly wetting through her shirt sent her into a spiral of emotions that made her cry. But really, she hadn't been prepared for that.

Yixing carefully helps Jongin off the floor; Jongin is immensely grateful because she doesn't think she could have done it herself. Her belly is so big now that moving around can be difficult. She wonders how large she's going to get before it's over. She's made it almost to eight months now, but Baekhyun told her a baby grows the most in the last month.

Yixing gets Jongin into a new shirt and Jongin awkwardly shoves tissue into her bra after drying the outside as best she can. The shirt's too tight, but it beats walking around with giant wet circles on her chest. Chanyeol offers to take her home, but Jongin's working on sketches that need to be in by tomorrow, so she waves him off.

She can totally deal with leaking boobs for a day.

 

They have the baby shower at Luhan’s apartment. Well, half of Jongin’s stuff is already there, stacked in boxes inside the room that’s going to be for Sehun. Luhan’s been grabbing a few boxes every time she leaves Jongin’s place so there won’t be so much to move when it comes down to it. It really is a lot more spacious here; there’s carpet and large bay windows with a view and plenty of room for Jongin to walk without running into something which happens a lot more frequently now.

It’s also more space for Yixing to decorate; it makes Yixing undeniably happy. There are curled pastel purple, blue, yellow and green ribbons that hang from the ceiling that are just low enough to get in Chanyeol’s face when he walks past. He blows them out of his way to keep going as Tao watches on, endeared. Jongin finds it all very amusing.

What she’s not so amused about is being sequestered to a chair even if said chair is cushiony and soft and very appealing for naps. Luhan knows that Jongin’s hips have been aching and she gets tired easily, so she’s been very persuasive at getting Jongin comfortable and stationary.

There’s so much stuff that fills the living room that it wouldn’t have all fit in her old place. It’s all wrapped up in shiny packaging with lots of bows - except the stuff from Chanyeol; that’s all stuffed in gift bags with tissue paper wadded on top. Yixing had given him a _look_ when he’d shown up that he shrugged off. Jongin’s already gotten bleary-eyed at the stack of gifts once, rubbing her belly and assuring little Sehun that he’s going to be well taken care of.

Sehun enjoys the cake more than Jongin. Kyungsoo had made a wonderful butter pecan cake with buttercream icing and Jongin had eaten two slices. Now Sehun is somersaulting and Kyungsoo is sitting on the edge of the chair, his hand on her belly to feel. He can’t stop smiling and neither can Jongin even when it feels like Sehun might have bruised something vital. 

And of course, Yixing is there to capture the entire gift unwrapping on camera because nothing says _entertainment_ more than Jongin crying her way through it all and pulling all her friends, one-by-one, into a bear hug they have to struggle out of. Except for Luhan. She’s more than happy to stay in Jongin’s arms, placing a large blue bow on the top of Jongin’s head and telling her that she’s the best present of all.

Jongin finds her too cheesy to cry over and she settles for swatting the back of her hand on Luhan’s thigh half-heartedly.

It isn’t until later, when Jongin is picking the stickers off a set of adorably fuzzy green and brown blankets, that she realizes not one person got baby clothes. She blames Tao entirely, although she can’t be too upset because he’d designed and made a diaper bag that looks like an alpaca, complete with fuzzy tail. He’d promised her that there was more to come, but she hadn’t really paid much attention because she was too enamored with the bag.

Between them all, Jongin now has her crib with a matching bassinet, along with a dresser to go in Sehun’s room. There’s also stuffed toys and rattles and diapers and blankets and Jongin could cry again just staring at it all if she wasn’t totally cried out already. She’ll be so glad when her hormones stabilize again. If she never cries again in her life, she’ll still be over quota.

 

The reality of what is about to happen hits Jongin when Baekhyun drops the bomb that she has maybe two weeks left before she’s due to go into labor. _Two weeks_. Jongin’s been doing this whole pregnancy thing for a while and she’s getting used to the aches and pains, to waddling when she walks and bracing a hand beneath her belly to hold some of the weight. She’s even stopped panicking when her entire uterus tightens and she has to breathe shallowly until it passes. Braxton Hicks, Baekhyun had said. Fake contractions to prepare her body for the real thing.

Baekhyun had also told her that she was already two centimeters dilated, which sent Jongin into a flurry until Baekhyun assured her that it was quite normal and would have no effect on her daily life. Jongin left the appointment dazed, a handy checklist Baekhyun had given her now in Luhan’s hand along with Baekhyun’s phone number for when she does go into labor. They’d set up her 40th week appointment before leaving, but Baekhyun said she probably wouldn’t make it until then.

Jongin is a nervous mess.

A good ninety percent of all her stuff is already moved into Luhan’s apartment; Tao and Chanyeol are grabbing the rest of it this weekend with a borrowed truck. Luhan is paying them in beer and pizza. The crib has been put together - in a monumental effort by Luhan and Yixing, who had spent over an hour on it. The bassinet has a place on Jongin’s side of their bed. Jongin still grins like an idiot when she thinks about Luhan’s apartment as _theirs_ now. She gets butterflies in her tummy and her heart skips a beat and she feels happier all around.

Things are falling in place piece by piece, slotting into open spots in her life that Jongin hadn’t realized were there.

Chanyeol and Yixing allow Jongin to come into work for only a few more days until they’re ushering her out the door. She’s allowed to do her work from home, but she is _not_ to come into the office. Jongin complains about it until she’s actually _at_ home. Being able to work on sketches while she’s propped on the couch, her legs stretched out to ease the pressure in her hips, is far better than sitting in her work chair even after Yixing had put a cushion on it.

Plus, it’s always a benefit to have Luhan come home to her, nudging her way onto Jongin as she takes away her paper to work on later. Luhan takes shorter days at work, which isn’t too much of a difference because Tao is unpredictable about when he needs her. She complains that he’s a nightmare to work with, but that she wouldn’t give up managing him for anything. He’s grown on her. Jongin thinks it’s because Luhan enjoys the extra exposure because Tao uses her as his model so often.

Every night becomes a lazy night when Jongin can’t move around too much. She enjoys her position on the couch, flexing her toes as Luhan wipes away the last of the green polish that had been flaking off. Jongin had decided earlier that she wanted her feet to look pretty for when she’s in the hospital.

“You could always wear socks,” Luhan suggests.

Jongin looks at Luhan in absolute horror.

“Or not,” she amends. “What color goes best with _brand new baby smell_. Blue is too predictable.”

“I like the yellow,” Jongin replies. “It’s soft and whimsical.”

“Soft and whimsical,” Luhan repeats with a smile. “Yellow it is.”

 

It’s two days before Jongin’s 40th week appointment when she feels her first contractions that twinge with pain. They start off subtle, like cramps before her period, but as the hours go by, they increase in frequency _and_ strength. She spends most of the day staring at the timer on her phone, scribbling down when each contraction starts. She doesn’t want to show up at the hospital only to be told she isn’t ready.

She puts a little food on her stomach and keeps water with her so she doesn’t forget to stay hydrated. Jongin even gets up and walks around more than usual, knowing that it’s supposed to help things along. There are so many emotions running through her that she can’t settle on just one. Although each contraction brings with it a pause in the maelstrom of her thoughts, mind going blank and all movement halted in favor of breathing.

As soon as they get strong enough for Jongin to have to sit, legs spread and head down, she calls Luhan. She knows Luhan was out on a final photoshoot with Tao so it’s no surprise that she doesn’t answer. It still makes Jongin uneasy, chewing at her lip and breathing through another wave of pain before she dials Kyungsoo.

Her voice is amazingly steady when she says, “I’m going into labor and I can’t reach Luhan.”

“I’ll be right there,” he says, hanging up immediately.

Jongin slumps sideways on the couch, contemplating that this might be the last day of her life that she won’t have someone to take care of. Sure she’s changed the way she eats to ensure her baby grows healthy inside her, but it’s still her body. By tomorrow, there might be a little human boy who is solely dependent on her and that’s a humbling notion.

So many things go could wrong. But at the same time, so many things could go right.

Jongin thinks about her own parents and how disappointed they’d be in her. They used to tell her that they just wanted her to be happy . . . as long as she did it the way they wanted her to. Sometimes she’d lay in bed at night, unable to sleep because Sehun was using her ribs as a jungle gym, and feel guilty for keeping something so huge from her parents. However bad she feels over it, though, it’s nothing compared to the damage they could do to him if they were in his life.

Jongin wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she did that to her child.

Kyungsoo shows up in record time. He’s still in his work clothes, an apron tied around his waist and Jongin almost laughs at his wide eyes and pink cheeks until another contraction hits and it comes out as this garbled groan of pain instead. She leans forward and Kyungsoo grabs her so she doesn’t topple over. 

“I called Yixing on the way over,” Kyungsoo says as he picks up Jongin’s bag from where it’s been sitting, waiting, for over a week now. “She’s going to keep trying Luhan.”

Jongin manages to thank him through gritted teeth. The walk to the car seems a lot longer than usual when Jongin has to pause to breathe through the pain. As if the cramps weren’t enough, her entire midsection tightens up and it makes it worse. Kyungsoo is careful with her, helping her walk and to get in his car. She opts for laying across the back seat instead of taking up her normal position in the front.

It’s a good thing that Kyungsoo’s the level headed one in the relationship because Jongin isn’t even sure if she’s upright or sideways. All the knows is that she hates the smell of the hospital, especially now, and she doesn’t approve at all of having to wait as Kyungsoo checks her in. Her eyes flutter closed, sweat beading along her forehead as she slides down in the hard plastic chair and nearly onto the floor.

They get her up to a room, Kyungsoo at her side the entire way. The nurse keeps rattling off questions, expecting Jongin to have the patience and ability to answer. Some of them Kyungsoo fields for her, which she will be eternally grateful for. She’s also thankful that he doesn’t hesitate to help her out of her clothes and into the hospital gown, snapping up the sides and tying the dozens of strings together so it doesn’t all come apart.

Kyungsoo gets a phone call as they’re strapping Jongin to a machine that monitors and records her contractions. She’s fascinated for as long as it takes for another contraction to hit and the lines on the machine start to go up and down like crazy.

“Luhan’s on her way,” Kyungsoo assures Jongin, sitting at her side with his hand in hers. “It won’t be long.”

Baekhyun pops into the room before Luhan does, a bright smile on her face as she greets them both. “Are we ready to have a baby?” she asks, looking far more excited than Jongin feels she has a right to.

“Not until Luhan gets here,” Jongin whimpers. “I promised.”

Baekhyun chuckles as Kyungsoo just squeezes Jongin’s hand tighter. “Promise or not, babies don’t wait for anyone and this one sure seems to want to make his grand appearance.”

Jongin whines, letting her head fall back to rest on the too firm hospital pillow. She’d really like this part to be over already. Can’t they just knock her out and wake her up when her baby is born? That sounds totally reasonable.

Luhan arrives nearly half an hour later, out of breath and wearing the outfit she’d been modeling for the photoshoot, a bag with her own clothes clutched in her hand. She’s wearing this frilly skirt that’s all tulle and lace in pastel pinks with cream mixed in, complete with a pink crop top and matching chunks of pink color in her hair. She looks gorgeous, albeit out of place, and Jongin would have told her that if she could have spoken around the knot in her throat.

Luhan sweeps the sweaty hair from Jongin’s forehead, leaving a kiss there and promising that she’ll be right back. She just needs to change. Baekhyun compliments Luhan’s outfit as Luhan scurries for the bathroom.

After checking to see how dilated Jongin is, Baekhyun pats her comfortingly on the leg. “It probably won’t be too long. I’ll be back in a little while to check you again.”

“You don’t have an estimate?” Kyungsoo asks.

Baekhyun shakes her head. “It’s mostly a waiting game right now. Every woman’s body goes at its own speed. But Jongin’s seems to be doing well on its own.”

It’s only mildly reassuring. Jongin can only lay back on the hospital bed, grumbling about how too hard it is, and try to relax between contractions. Luhan reappears a few minutes later, the pink traded in for a soft pair of jeans and a faded tshirt. She sits on Jongin’s other side, lacing their fingers together. “So?”

“We’re waiting,” Kyungsoo answers, clearly not pleased with the answer. He’s anxious; Jongin can tell even when he tries to hide it. She appreciates him so much. She appreciates them both more than she could ever put into words.

 

It’s almost another five hours before Sehun decides he’s ready. Jongin’s holding her legs up from behind her knees, chin to her chest as she breathes, pushing through the contractions. There are three people constantly sending her encouraging words, telling her she’s doing so well and it’s almost over, _almost there_. Jongin clenches down, pushing when the pain kicks in and it actually doesn’t hurt anymore during that part. It’s instant relief.

Her head is fuzzy, ears buzzing and Jongin focuses, hopes, gathers all her strength to finish the most important thing she’s ever started. It’s all very sudden, the free fall that startles her when her baby tumbles out and into the world. Everyone collectively holds their breath until the first shrill, newborn baby cry fills the room.

Jongin’s legs drop and she stares down at the blue and red splotched baby in Baekhyun’s hands. He gets redder the more he cries and Kyungsoo is crying too when he holds the scissors steady to cut the umbilical cord. Jongin had told him a month ago that she wouldn’t have anyone else do it and now it’s a little surreal that he _is_.

Luhan has Jongin’s hand grasped in hers, silent tears falling from her eyes. Jongin pulls her hand away, arms out and open when Baekhyun holds him out for her. She gets to hold her son for the first time and Jongin can’t believe it. He’s so tiny and cranky, tufts of dark hair matted to his head and his eyelashes still clumped together. He’s wet and wiggly, nails already sharp enough to leave scratches on his skin when he grabs at his face.

One of the nurses comes over, helping reposition Sehun into Jongin’s arms so she can feed him. He latches onto her instantly, cries silenced and body stilling. Jongin can’t stop staring at him. He’s perfect. He’s the most perfect baby she’s ever seen. He lets out a hitched, pleased sigh that has Jongin, Kyungsoo and Luhan all cooing at him, laughing. Baekhyun’s still between Jongin’s legs, but Jongin hardly feels a thing. She’s content in this moment.

Jongin watches him, thumbs swiping over his closed eyelids, trailing down a soft cheek to where his fist is still balled up. He has the tiniest fingers and the smallest toes. He’s still messy, but they leave him with Jongin for a solid hour before coming to take him for a bath. It’s well after dark and Jongin’s exhausted, but also too wired to sleep. Kyungsoo has been taking pictures to send off to everyone, only shrugging in indifference when Luhan mentioned that he was showing everyone Jongin’s boob too. If Jongin cared, she would have stopped him.

Luhan figures out how to work Jongin’s bed, lowering the side so she can lean on the mattress, head by Jongin’s to cuddle. There are toiletries in Jongin’s bag and she aches for a shower because she feels so gross right now, but she also doesn’t want to miss when they bring Sehun back. She just wants to hold her baby again.

It isn’t until someone comes in to change her bedding that Jongin really _moves_ for the first time. It’s different. It’s not like when she grew bigger, because that was stretched over a period of time. She lost a lot of it all at once and she’s unsteady, not to mention shaky and _really_ sore, but _shower_.

Kyungsoo stays in the room to wait just in case as Luhan crowds into the bathroom with Jongin. The shower isn’t as big as the one back home, but it’s big enough for Luhan to fit in with her. “We don’t need you overexerting yourself,” Luhan murmurs, dropping a kiss on Jongin’s lips. “You’ve done enough work for today. Let me take care of you.”

 

Sehun is an instant attraction. Jongin stares at him for half the night, unwilling to put him in the bassinet they brought in for him because she doesn’t want to part with him. He’s all swaddled up in a hospital blanket, a blue hat on his little head to keep him warm and snug. He moves his mouth when he sleeps, his little tongue pushing against his lips.

Jongin doesn’t get much sleep, but she doesn’t mind.

The rest of the group shows up in the morning. Jongin’s just managed to feed Sehun _and_ herself a hearty breakfast before they’re rolling in. Kyungsoo had held Sehun for a while earlier and Luhan has him now, carefully passing him off to Yixing who looks ready to burst into tears.

“He’s so _tiny_ ,” she whispers, grinning at him as he sleeps.

Chanyeol looks more wary, but Tao is over by Yixing, staring over her shoulder. “That’s a good looking kid,” he states. “I told you.”

“He’s also going to be a naked kid,” Jongin grumps. “He has nothing to wear.”

“Don’t worry,” Tao says with a grin, holding up a bag hooked on his fingers. “I’ve got that covered.”

“It better not be pastel grunge,” Jongin gripes. Tao just beams.

 

Sehun leaves the hospital in his first outfit the following morning. It’s pastel grunge.

Jongin comes home to her apartment with Luhan, taking careful steps inside with Sehun still strapped tight in his carseat. He’s sleeping and she doesn’t want to wake him. Everything is the same as when she left and yet everything feels so different, like it’s changed. She peers down at her son, so full of joy. It’s only made better when Luhan comes over, gentle as she sweeps her fingers through Jongin’s hair.

“I love you,” she says, beaming and bright and sincere.

Jongin’s eyes fill with tears. “I love you too.”

 

**Three Months Later**

Jongin is sipping at her tea, pensive as she watches Tao and Yixing sitting on the floor in the middle of her living room, Sehun lying between them. He’s been grinning at the two of them as they take turns leaning down to boop their noses on his. It amuses him enough for his arms and legs to flail as he grins, trying to grab at Yixing’s ponytail when it’s in range.

The two of them are over because she’s finally conceded to letting them watch Sehun for a few hours while Luhan takes her out. They’re just going to grab a bite to eat before heading to the movies, but it’s been _forever_ since Jongin’s been out on anything resembling a date. And now that she has the chance, she’s anxious and worried.

She knows that Tao and Yixing are capable of taking care of Sehun. Now that Jongin’s back at work, she brings Sehun with her and half of his time is spent on Yixing’s hip except when Tao manages to steal in and sneak him away. It’s just that he’s still so close to her and she doesn’t know how she feels about being far enough away from him that she can’t just dart into the next room to grab him if he cries. She chews on the inside of her cheek, fidgeting as she waits for Luhan to finish getting ready.

There’s breastmilk in the fridge in case Sehun gets hungry and both Yixing and Tao have been trained in diaper changing and burping and rolling Sehun onto his tummy over their legs to pat if he gets gassy. They both have a list of numbers to call in case of emergencies, plus the extra numbers stuck to the refrigerator. Chances are slim that anything would happen; it still doesn’t mean Jongin isn’t worried.

Separation anxiety. Baekhyun told Jongin it was completely normal and that baby steps are the best cure. That’s what she reminds herself when Luhan comes walking out of their bedroom, looking downright sinful in her high waisted black skirt and powder blue blouse. Jongin licks over her lips, her desire to see their date night through revived.

“You guys have fun,” Yixing trills, picking Sehun up to put in her lap, waving his arm at her. He looks so happy, head tilted up and his free hand reaching out for several strands of Yixing’s hair that have fallen in his reach. Jongin briefly thinks about running back to him, scooping him into her arms and declaring their first attempt a failure.

Then Luhan tugs on her arm enough for Jongin to stumble out the door. It closes behind her and she stands there, terrified. Luhan, ever patient and always understanding Luhan, cups Jongin’s cheeks. “This will be good for you,” she says softly. “If you still want to come back home after dinner, we can skip the movie.”

Luhan is the absolute best. She’s also probably the worst because she teases Jongin all through dinner, her bare foot running up the length of Jongin’s leg to settle between her thighs. They do end up skipping the movie, but not to go home. Jongin’s never had sex in the back of a car before, but she’s about to. It’s not part of her routine, but she’s trying to shed off the old in favor of all the wonderful _new_ she’s been introduced to.

Yeah, her life is pretty great even if it’s not quite what she envisioned. Jongin peers up at Luhan, her chest squeezing tight with affection and she wouldn’t have it any other way.


End file.
